The Hand that Rocks the Cradle
by Edward hearts Musique
Summary: Bella and Edward, it was written in the stars. So why does it feel so difficult now. In they're second year of marriage and the flame seems to be dying already. Can they act quick enough to save their love or will someone else grab their chance. AH/AU
1. Chapter 1

**The Hand that Rocks the Cradle**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I just day dream about a certain one..  
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9 pm and I haven't even had a phone call to let me know not to bother with dinner tonight. I'm trying not to be mad, I really am, but how many times do I need to tell him that even a text is better than nothing. Edward loves his job. Ok that might even be an understatement. Edward lives for his job. Now, that sounds much more fitting. It was one of the things that made me fall so deeply in love with him when we were younger. The fact that he throws himself into things so deeply and showers the things that he desires with a love so pure that he can't help but be rewarded for it.

Well that was before I started feeling like maybe I wasn't the object of his desire any more. He might as well call that hospital his home because he damn sure spends more time there, than here with me. Two years of marriage and the honeymoon period lasted all of 6 months before he had to start to buckle down again. Which in turn meant no more late nights up together, with us waking up with our legs wrapped around each other. My favourite. Or with him being able to find the time to surprise me at work, where we'd find ourselves locked away in the staff restroom with my thigh thrown over his shoulder. Ok maybe I have many favourites. We acted like we were the horny teenagers, instead of the actual ones that were just on the other side of the door. Man I miss those days. Don't get me wrong, we do still have our time together as husband and wife. It just feels so much more… Mechanical. I feel like all of the lust is gone. Like maybe he just doesn't see me in the same way. Maybe he doesn't...

My rambling thoughts were interrupted by my cell phone. Finally he calls! But as I look at the caller id I try not to be disappointed. "Hey Alice" Alice has been my best female friend since freshman year of high school, She's also how I met my husband. My first sleepover was when I realised that my crush, who was a year older was actually one of Alice's older brothers. I was finally able to put a name to the beautiful face. As Alice and I became closer, I became closer to her family and subsequently Edward. It was just pure luck that he felt the same for me as I did him. "Hi Bella! I was calling to see what you were doing next week; Rose's Baby shower is creeping up now. We've waited long enough and I know you're stalling. We need to buy her presents!"

I physically grimaced at the reminder that I didn't need. I was fully aware of the fact that Rose's baby shower was in 3 weeks and I had yet to even attempt to think of what I was going to buy for her. I didn't want to remember that Edward and I were in no fit state in our marriage to even discuss me getting pregnant. This is something that I so desperately want right now. My body and heart know that it's the right time. But how can I bring a child into this when I'm not even sure that he still wants me. It's the end of the week and I've seen him for a maximum of 6 hours. Including the hour that I watched him sleep two days ago, before I was finally pulled under myself. By the time I woke up, he was gone.

"Alice you pick a day and I'll be there. You can meet me after school finishes and I'll follow you to the mall" she sounded sceptical when she replied "Bella you said that last time and then cancelled on me last minute with your 'too much homework you need to grade' excuse. We really need to get cracking on this I want our presents to be perfect!"

I sighed in defeat; I was actually going to use another excuse. "I promise no excuses. I'll be there." "Good, I promise I wont make it too painful, it'll be an in and out job. It won't take all day this time" she chirped. Little did she know that it wasn't the time frame of the trip that I was dreading "Is Edward there, I wanted to talk to him about something" I sighed, this conversation was just getting better and better. "No he's not back from the hospital yet" "He's not? Oh, ok. Well I guess I'll keep trying his cell but I haven't been able to get through all day" "No surprise there, he doesn't like to be disturbed unless it's an emergency" I love Alice but I really needed to end this phone call now before I got even more upset tonight. "Alice, listen I gotta go I got another call coming through, I'll call you tomorrow" "ok, love you. Speak to you soon!"

Sighing again as I hung up I headed for the kitchen. I wasn't going to spend another night waiting up for him. My work is already suffering from my late nights up, simply so that I can have a proper conversation with him. I swear those kids must think that I've either lost a few brain cells or turned into the walking zombie. Who knows what time he was planning on coming home from what was meant to be a 12 hour shift. I know that you have to work extra hard during your residency but surely if he wanted to see me and attempt to have a marriage, he'd find a way to make both work. I know that you can't really compare being a doctor to being a high school English teacher, but still. I did it for him. I'd do anything for him; he wouldn't even need to ask half the time. It's like he doesn't care anymore. I put his dinner in the fridge after reasoning with myself that there was no point in throwing it away. If he did end up coming home tonight, at least he would have something to eat. He shouldn't get used to it though; I'm definitely not cooking tomorrow.

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**AN: Hi guys, Thanks for reading the first chapter of "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" i'm intending for this to be a multi chapter story full of highs and lows. I have a good idea of where i want to go with this but would really appreciate your feedback as this is the first story that i'm writing and putting out there for the world to see. Also the following chapters will be alot longer than this, i just wanted to set the scene and allow you to get a feel of the story. What do you think of Bella and the situation she's facing so far?**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I just wanted to say thanks to those that are reading so far, especially to horsecrazed who gave me my very first Review :)**

**Also a MASSIVE thank you to AvatarTwilightObsession for agreeing to Beta this story for me. She's already helped me out so much already! **

**Unfortunately I don't Own, Stephenie Meyer does :(... Although I'd very happy to take Edward off of her hands :)**

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I woke up alone again; what a shock. I was getting used to seeing half of the bed still made in the morning so I was pretty stunned to see that it looked like it had been slept in last night. I wonder if he's already back at the hospital? Or will I be graced with his presence today?

After pulling on my blue fluffy dressing gown I slowly made my way downstairs rubbing my eyes to try and get rid of the last of my tiredness. Not bothering to take in my surroundings as I remembered that I had left a lot of dishes to wash up last night, I stepped into the kitchen to make my ritual cup of coffee. I was so glad that it was the weekend; I really didn't feel like taking control of unruly teenagers today.

Still half asleep I turned on the coffee maker preparing to stare out into space until it was ready. That was before I was scared out of my skin.

"Morning, sleepy head." With a gasp I swung around into the familiar crystal clear green eyes of my husband. He looked up at me from the kitchen table, he was surrounded by papers smirking like he had found something funny. After my initial shock I'm pretty certain that my face held no amusement what so ever because his smirk slowly dropped as he realised that he was in trouble.

"Morning." I turned back around feeling conflicted. It had been so long since we'd been able to sit at the kitchen table together and sip our morning coffee that I wanted nothing more but to hug him and enjoy whatever small amount of time he'd be prepared to give me. The stubborn side of me kept me in place. I shouldn't have to fight to have time with my husband, and he still hadn't apologised for not calling last night.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He was behind me now and tried to rest his hand on my hip, sighing as I shrugged away from him. "What have I done this time?" He had the nerve to sound exasperated. I hate when he does this: tries to make it seem like I'm always nagging and he's the one who's hard done by.

I turned and gave him a long hard stare. "Where were you last night?" He looked confused as he tried to dissect my question. He knew that I knew where he was, and so probably thought that it must be a trick question. Slowly he replied, "I was at the hospital, you know that. What's this about?"

Why do I find it so hard to just tell him that I need him to cut back on his hours? Whenever I mention to him that I think that he's working too much, he stops me in my tracks and reminds me that this is all he's ever wanted and now that he's on his way he doesn't want anything to stop him. Does that include me? Do I want to find out? "Nothing, I was just expecting you home for dinner that's all."

He looked sheepish "Oh sorry, I guess I forgot to call, huh?"

This time I couldn't shrug away when he reached for me. I didn't have the will power. I craved his touch, especially now that I hardly felt it. "I'm sorry, baby; I got carried away when I was offered to shadow Dr Garrett. I promise next time I'll find a way to let you know I'll be home late." Baby, he called me baby. I haven't felt those butterflies in so long that I almost missed the fact that he was pulling me closer and now kissing just below my ear. It's been two weeks since I've felt his stubble lightly graze my skin. Two weeks since I've been able to try and remind him of everything that we used to be together. "You forgive me?"

How could I not when his tongue was slowly tracing its way down to my collarbone where he was now showering me with wet kisses? I was finding it hard to think, let alone stay mad. He groaned and pushed his hips into mine, allowing me to feel the hardness bursting through his pyjama bottoms. "Mmm, Bella, I want you so much right now. It took all of my will power last night not to jump on you while you were sleeping." Now this is what I want to hear! I traced his biceps enjoying the feel and then let my fingers slip through his hair as I brought his mouth towards mine. I felt the room spin as his lips brushed against mine slowly teasing them open allowing his tongue to enter. I moaned as he sucked on my bottom lip whilst bringing his hands up to massage my right breast before focusing on the nipple, making it pebble through my thin t-shirt. I've missed this so much, and the feeling of his erection pressed into my stomach along with him touching me is making me so hot. We need to go back to bed now. I wrap my leg around his hip as he grasps my ass and lifts me up pushing my heated centre directly onto his hardness allowing me to bring my other leg up. I needed to be with him today; I needed him all day.

"Stay" I panted, trying to get my point across

"Oh, believe me; I'm not going anywhere right now." He came up long enough to say before attacking my neck again

"No, no I mean stay home today, don't go back into work. Please." He stopped kissing me and allowed me to stand up again. I started to feel a little self conscious under his stare; why did I have to open my mouth? Suddenly he wrapped his arms around my waist and his facial expression turned into a loving one.

"I've been neglecting you haven't I?" I bit my lip and tried to look down until he brought his index finger under my chin to tilt it up "Ok, I'll stay home. Whatever emergencies are coming into the ER today, hopefully they'll be there tomorrow." he chuckled with no real humour before leaning in to kiss me again. This time with a little less passion than before; of course my bad luck would have it that at the very moment I decide to throw myself into the kiss, trying to get back to where we were, his phone begins to ring.

"Don't get that," I whispered, but it was a lost cause. He'd already reached for the stupid thing.

"Hello? Oh hey, Em." Great, Emmett couldn't have better timing if he tried. I broke away from Edward's hold to turn and start pouring my once forgotten coffee. I tried to tune his conversation out as I sipped because he was annoying me. How can he go from 'wanting me so much right now' to ignoring me to speak to his brother that he sees every day at work? Emmett was a physiotherapist at the hospital and so the two often had lunch together. "I dunno, Em, I promised Bella I'd stay home today." I looked up at him after hearing my name and he was looking at me with pleading eyes. Am I that awful to be around? "I know that does sound kinda cool. I wish I could but…" he let the sentence hang, still looking at me.

"Don't let me stop you from enjoying your day!" I brushed past him before running upstairs, praying that I didn't start crying. I should be used to the small amounts of rejection that get thrown at me every so often, but I can't stop it hurting.

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As I made my way to creep out of the house I could hear that Edward was still on the phone so hiding around the corner I listened to the end of his conversation. "No, I don't think that's gonna work somehow" He chuckled humourlessly "She's upstairs now, I think she's pissed off at me again. Em I swear I don't know what's up with her, one minute everything's fine and the next I'm walking on eggshells… Yea ok, I'll call you later on. Bye"

As he hung up I slowly closed the front door behind me and made my way to my Volvo; it was Edward's favourite car that he gave to me when my truck finally died.

Driving down the highway I had no idea where I was going, I just had to get out of the house. I felt so unwanted. This can't be natural, we're still practically newly weds right? Surely the 'Not being able to keep your hands off of each other' phase should still be in effect. I know for a fact that Edwards parents are still loved up because Emmett always makes a show of how repulsed he is by it.

Without even realising it I'd arrived at the one place I knew would make me feel better without having to hop on a plane to Florida. As I rang the doorbell I prayed that it would be answered. I really needed cheering up and they were the best person for the job right now.

"Hey Bells!" Jacob smiled widely before taking in my half smile half grimace and opening up his arms to take me into a bone crushing hug. His hugs were almost as uncomfortable as Emmett's but I still loved them.

"So what happened this time?" Jacob opened his beer after handing me mine, relaxed into his sofa and took a long drink while waiting for me to answer. When I didn't straight away he sat up and looked at me. "That bad, huh?"

Normally I would have no problem with telling Jacob why I was upset. I tell Jacob everything, and I do mean everything. He is such a big part of me that it would just be pointless to leave anything out.

We've been best friends since we literally bumped into each other that first week of freshman year at college. Our dorms were right down the hall from each other and at that time in my life I really needed a friend and Jacob was there. Edward had broken up with me the year before. He left Seattle to go to Harvard which was on the other side of the country. His excuse, 'Nobody finds their true love in their high school sweetheart'. He didn't want to hold me back waiting for him while he was away. He needed to concentrate on his degree. Jacob helped me to forget about the pain that was still there a year later and of course wasn't too happy when Edward came back onto the scene three years later.

Edward and Jacob didn't get along that well but were always civil to each other. Edward thought that Jake was just being a protective friend but I had a feeling that he was just a little bit jealous too. We had tried to be together at one point during those three years but I could see that Jacob was starting to fall for me and I just couldn't have him as my number one. I was still comparing him to Edward every day; it wasn't fair on him, and so I told him that we were better off as friends. Our friendship has grown even more since, so I'm glad I didn't ruin it by trying to force feelings that weren't there.

Jacob, with raised eyebrows, was still staring, still waiting for me to acknowledge his question. I sighed giving up "No, it wasn't that bad. He just made it clear that he didn't really feel like spending time with me today after I asked him to."

Jake grumbled, "Does he ever? I swear Bells, there's something up with that guy. He's never home; you shouldn't have to beg to spend time with someone who's supposedly in love with you"

This is why I didn't want to say anything. Because even though I've been telling myself this same thing every day, when I hear it coming out of Jake's mouth it makes it all the more real and scary. The word 'supposedly' rang in my ears as a tear fell down each cheek.

"Ah Bells, are you crying?" Jacob hated to see me cry, but not as much as I hated to cry in front of him. He once told me that he'd do anything to never see me upset again, so now I felt really bad that I'm making him feel uncomfortable. But instead of shying away from the emotional woman across the room, he opened up his arms inviting me over to his sofa for a hug.

He threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close as he rubbed up and down my arm trying to comfort me. "Bella, have you told him how you feel?"

I sniffed and wiped my eyes "No, how can I? He's just going to get mad and think that I'm not supporting him and his career and I do. Jake you know I'd do anything for him-"

"Yeah, I know" he mumbled.

"I just feel so lonely at home sometimes. I always knew that he'd have to work really hard to finish his residency, but I miss him. I have to keep hearing about Alice and Jasper's perfect relationship and about Rose's pregnancy-"

He interrupted me, hearing exactly what I didn't say. "Bella you need to tell him that you're ready to start a family, you can't keep everything bottled up like this"

I definitely tell Jake too much, I can't hide anything from him. "I don't keep everything bottled up; I'm talking to you right now aren't I?" He looked at me cynically

"Well that's obviously not enough if it's got you over here crying on my shoulder now is it." I sighed. He was right; I just really didn't want to talk to Edward about this. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. Truth be told, I was scared to hear it. I'd rather have him for the short amounts of time that I get now than not to have him at all.

Jacob, sensing my trepidation suddenly became excited. "Hey I just got a great idea! This is so gonna work." He turned sideways on the sofa, sitting on one of his legs so that he was now facing me. "Remember when we were at school, you were always saying that one day you wanted to write a novel but could never think of a great storyline?"

"Yeah," I replied slowly, not quite sure where he was going with this.

"Bells, you're living it right now! It's like killing two birds with one stone!" He was practically jumping out of his seat with excitement. "You're such a great writer and the storyline is there already, plus you'll be able to get everything that you're keeping locked up right now off of your chest without worrying about upsetting Edward"

He had a twinkle in his eye, silently begging me to see what he was getting at and to agree. Could I do this? Could I write a story from beginning to end and actually make it good when it's being based on my boring life? Jacob seemed to think so.

"Yeah, you're right. I should try and do this. Plus it'll give me something to do when I'm home alone at night." His excitement started to rub off on me. This was something that I had always wanted to do. If Edward can fulfil his dreams, I might as well start on the ones that I can now.

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As I opened my front door I couldn't wait to rush upstairs, grab my laptop and start writing. On the drive home from Jake's my mind was swimming with ideas on what I wanted to write and how I wanted to start my novel. I don't know what I'd do without him, he's always been there for me even when I didn't think I needed him.

I came to a screeching halt when I was greeted with Edward leaning on the door frame to the living room with both is his legs and arms crossed. He was staring at me like he was waiting for something. After standing in silence for a few seconds he finally talks.

"So what happened to you today? You make me take the day off and then you're nowhere to be found. I didn't even know you left the house until I went searching for you and then when I called your cell I find you left that behind."

Damn, I didn't even realise that I'd forgotten my cell. I kind of rushed out of the house after coming to the conclusion that Edward was grasping at straws not to be home alone with me. Anyway wasn't I doing the same thing last night; calling him nonstop to see where he was.

"Well now you know how it feels when I can't get through to you."

"So you did this on purpose to get back at me for last night," he stated, already coming to his own conclusion

"Look, I left my phone by accident, but I was only at Jake's. I'm sure if you were looking hard enough you could have found me." He growled in frustration stood up straight and ran his hands through his hair

"Bella I can't keep playing these games! If you have something that you want to tell me just say it. I feel like I'm constantly in the dog house with you and I can't think for the life of me what it is that I'm supposed to have done. It's exhausting!"

Here we go. Again he makes it seem like everything's my fault, and it's weird because I've come to almost like our arguments. It's during these that I'm exposed to his emotions. This is when I get a voice in my head telling me that maybe he does care. But still, I need more.

"Edward, maybe if you thought about others a little more instead of yourself you wouldn't be so exhausted," I tried to walk past him and carry on to my destination. I had so much I wanted to write down.

"What are you talking about?!" he practically screeched. "Everything I'm doing is for us. I came back to Seattle for you. I don't know what's brought on this change in you but I don't like it, Bella. You don't talk to me when things are bugging you then do stupid shit to get back at me. You talk to _Jacob_ more than you do me." He growled his name.

"You don't need to bring Jake into this-"

"See, I can't say anything about the wonderful 'Jake' without you jumping through hoops to defend him!"

"Well yeah, Jake would do anything for me. He's always been there when I needed him; the least I could do is defend his name. He hasn't done anything wrong."

I was glaring at him in anger but still my heart clenched when I saw a flicker of pain pass through Edward's features.

"So your saying, I'm not there for you like he is. Tell me something, if my name was the one that needed to be defended. Would you do it for me?" I really didn't want to answer that question right now because, truth be told – and I wasn't a very good liar – right now I didn't think that I could defend him honestly.

He took my silence as his answer, shook his head and turned back into the living room. I took that as my cue and finished my journey into our room where I started writing about our happier times.

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**Epov will be next! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hi all thanks for passing by my little story! hope that you're enjoying it so far. I wanted to send a shout out to the wonderful AvatarTwilightObsession for being an amazing Beta! Also to all of those that have put me on alert and ****horsecrazed** for reviewing thank you! :) it really means alot.

******I don't Own, Stephenie Meyer does :( Although Edward practically owns me!**  


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**EPOV**

I ruffled through the papers aimlessly again; I didn't know why I brought them home when I knew full well that I was way too tired to get any real work done. I wouldn't be getting any extra points over the other residents if I did this all wrong. I'd definitely need to take a nap later, as last night I got about four hours sleep. I was trying not to complain to myself about it: it's all about the bigger picture.

At least I got to sleep in my own bed for once; next to my beautiful wife. I swear seeing her last night fast asleep with the sheets half thrown over her made her look so sexy I wanted to wake her up; I very nearly did. I thought better of it when I remembered how early I had to wake up to do this work, and I hadn't wanted to wake her. Now I just wished I'd gone with my gut instinct.

As I heard her make her way downstairs I felt my heart flutter at the excitement of seeing her. We hadn't been able to spend much time together recently, what with me doing extra shifts at the hospital, and all the long hours. As I watched her, she walked straight past me as though she didn't see me and started making her morning coffee.

She was wearing her favourite fluffy dressing gown, and looked breathtakingly sexy with my old t-shirt on, that I caught a glimpse of underneath the garment. I could feel myself growing as I thought about all of the times I've peeled it off her before we made love. I knew that I scared her when I said, "Good morning," but I couldn't help but grin; she was too cute.

That was until she replied with a frown on her face. I suddenly realised that I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen her smile.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I tried to hug her from behind but she pulled away from me, turning around and stirring her coffee surreptitiously, obviously angry.

Why do I feel like she's constantly throwing attitude my way? I work really hard and hardly get to spend that much time with her anymore; it would be nice if when I did see her she was the sweet Bella I fell in love with. I was finding it harder and harder to understand her; to understand why she's constantly on edge with me.

"What have I done this time?" She turned and looked at me like I was missing something. I always hated it when she did this; she obviously has a problem, but refuses to let me in on the secret. How am I supposed to make it better if I don't know what the problem is?

"Where were you last night?"

Ah, another one of her traits: avoiding my question by asking me one of her own. Although I have no idea why she is asking me this; she knows that I was working last night.

"I was at the hospital, you know that. What's this about?" I replied slowly, wondering whether I was digging myself a deeper hole or not. I had no idea where she was going with this, or whether she would just explode, as she often does.

She sighed and shook her head as if to clear it of her thoughts before she replied, "Nothing, I was just expecting you home for dinner, that's all."

I got it then. She was upset that I didn't let her know I was going to be late. We've had a couple of arguments about that already.

I should have called.

"Oh, sorry, I guess I forgot to call, huh?"

The lamest apology ever, I knew, but this conversation needed to be finished, now. There are more pressing matters at hand, particularly my hard cock pressing against my nightwear. I reached for her again and was allowed to touch her this time.

"I'm sorry, baby; I got carried away when I was offered to shadow Dr Garrett. I promise next time I'll find a way to let you know I'll be home late." She melted; I could tell that I was in clear and so started my assault on her neck "You forgive me?"

She sighed and I could feel even more blood being drawn down south. This needed to happen right now, right here in this kitchen. I needed to get off. Bella and I hadn't been together in two weeks and I was very nearly heading towards blue ball territory. Jacking off just wasn't the same.

I ground my hips into her, allowing her to feel how much I've missed her. "Mmm, Bella, I want you so much right now. It took all of my will power last night not to jump on you while you were sleeping."

She finally reacted full force and we were making out like horny teenagers until she told me not to go into work today. I stopped kissing and stared at her wondering if she was still upset about me not calling. Then, something in her tone and eyes made it click.

"I've been neglecting you, haven't I?"

I've gotten used to her not answering my questions and so had to learn her body language pretty thoroughly just for my own piece of mind. Right now she was telling me that I'd hit the nail right on the head.

"Ok, I'll stay home. Whatever emergencies are coming into the ER today, hopefully they'll be there tomorrow." I laughed, trying to ease the mood; trying to give her what she wanted - partly to get things back to where we left off.

That was until my cell phone rang. _Damn stupid phone_. I picked it up with the full intention of telling whoever was on the other side that I'd call them right back, but I admit that was stupid of me. It was Emmett; no one in my family is easy to get off of the phone.

"Edward! Thank God you picked up"

"Oh hey, Em"

Bella shrugged away from me and started making her coffee. _Great_. Thanks, bro.

"Well you sound happy to hear from me, notice the sarcasm in my voice."

"What do you want, Emmett?"

I was getting irritated; Emmett always did have cock-blocking tendencies when we were growing up. The girls always went for the older brother with the bigger muscles. He never had to work for the physique; it just came naturally to him.

"Man I really need you today bro, tell me you're not working."

"Actually I'm not, but-"

"Great! I'll be at your place in the next forty minutes to pick you up: be ready."

"Whoa, wait a minute; I'm not going anywhere. What do you need me for, anyway?"

"I'm getting Rosie her new car today man! I'm gonna surprise her and she's gonna love it! Hopefully it'll get her to stop bitching at me for not being able to go through the aches of pregnancy with her, and that's where you come in! You know that I don't know shit about cars."

"I dunno, Em. I promised Bella I'd stay home today."

Damn. I would have liked to go but there were more pressing matters at hand. I just had to let him down gently; he'd cope. I looked at Bella trying to convey with my eyes that I still wanted her. She looked back at me, her eyes cold.

"I ever tell you you're my favourite brother? You know you wanna come."

"I know, that does sound kinda cool. I wish I could but…"

"..But you're whipped and your gonna leave me hanging."

As he put into his own words what I was trying to say Bella rushed out of the kitchen whilst saying something that I completely missed. I sighed, rubbing the stress out of my forehead the best that I could.

"What's up with you, dude?"

Emmett was always able to read me like a book, even over the phone.

"Em, I don't know." I sighed "Bella's just been acting really strange recently. It's like she's hiding something. She's just not as…I can't think of the right word. She's just not Bella"

"When was the last time you guys fucked?"

I had to laugh; everything's black and white with Emmett. He rarely thinks about things deeply. To him, the answer is always simple: have sex. That'll make it all better.

"Ah, yeah...it's been a while. You know with work and all that.

"Well there you go," he stated as though I was stupid. "She's craving the dick: once you two get it on all will be fixed."

"No, I don't think that's going to work, somehow." I was still chuckling at his naivety. "It's a little more complicated."

"I'm telling you, Edward, once you two hit the sack it's a done deal. Where is she now?"

"She's upstairs now, I think she's pissed off at me again. Em, I swear I don't know what's up with her: one minute everything's fine and the next I'm walking on eggshells"

"Ed, just listen to me for once, ok, and then call me to tell me that I'm right!"

There's no talking to this guy when he gets like this. I just wanted to sort this out with Bella – I hate it when we fight.

"Yeah, ok, I'll call you later on. Bye"

I took a deep breath to steady myself and then ran a hand through my hair before rubbing my face. I didn't know whether to try and take Emmett's approach or to go with my own; to attempt to get to the root of the problem. I didn't see how that was going to happen though as whenever I tried to talk to Bella about her feelings she closed up on me.

After calling the hospital to let them know that I wouldn't be in today I reclaimed my seat at the kitchen table. I decided to give her some space for a few minutes so that I wouldn't be walking head first into another argument. Only problem was that I got lost in my work again and didn't resurface for another hour, all without a peep from Bella.

Deciding to man up and go and talk to her, I made my way to our bedroom only to find that it was empty with the shirt that she wore to bed thrown casually thrown over the comforter. _Where is she_?

"Bella?" I called waiting for her reply; silence.

As I walked through the rest of the house still calling her name it quickly became apparent that she'd skipped out on me. _What the fuck?_

She wanted to talk. She wanted to spend time with me. She got pissed off because I wasn't there, and what had she gone and done? Left, that's what!

I quickly got dressed whilst trying her on her cell. It started ringing on her bedside table; great. Why would she just walk out without even saying goodbye, or telling me where she was going? And why would she leave without giving me any way of contacting her?

She must have stepped out quickly thinking that she'd be back by the time I got off the phone with Emmett, right? Well after another hour and still no word I wasn't going to sit and do nothing anymore.

After being told by both Charlie and Angela that they'd heard nothing from Bella I tried calling my sister.

"Alice, please tell me that Bella's with you."

"Why hello to you too, Edward," she chirped, in a good mood, as ever.

"Sorry. Hi, is she there?"

"Nope, haven't spoken to her since last night, I'm afraid. Why, what's going on?"

"Man Alice, I don't even know. I think she's pissed off at me but I'm not sure. She just walked out the house without me knowing and she's left her cell here."

I could feel my stomach clenching. If she wasn't with Alice, there was only one other person that she would be with right now. Yes I had his number, but I wasn't about to call him and let him know that I didn't know the whereabouts of my wife. I know that they're just friends but there's something about Jacob Black that I just don't like.

"What did you do?" Alice spoke with an accusing voice.

"What do you mean? I haven't done anything, Bella's gone psycho for no reason!"

"Ok, ok. No need to shout at me, I'm just saying that we women don't ever get angry for the fun of it. You've probably done something and just overlooked it, Edward. Bella wouldn't walk out without a reason."

"Yeah well she did... Look, Alice I've got to go; I'll call -"

"No wait! I needed to speak to you as well. Bella's birthday is only a month away now, if you want to do this surprise party I refuse to wait any longer to start planning!"

Oh man, I forgot about that. I'd asked Alice to help me plan Bella's twenty-fifth birthday party but I really was not in the mood to talk about celebrations right now.

"Ok, um...yeah. I'll come by yours sometime this week and we can start talking about it. I trust your judgement though so any ideas you come up with, I don't mind. I'll call you later on ok?

"Ok. Just promise to think about what I said earlier."

--

And think about it I did. I thought about for the next five hours while I was waiting to see when she would eventually return home. During those five hours I could come up with no reason for her to act this way. She was just simply being vindictive.

In all of the years that I've known Bella, I've never had a thought like that about her. Sure we've had our little arguments throughout our relationship, but they've all been just so and we always spoke about it afterwards.

To be honest, this scared me. Why is she acting like this?

As the time passed, I could feel all of the confusion and hurt about the situation slowly turning into anger. If this was the other way around, there'd be hell to pay.

Why should she get off easy?

What made things worse was that I knew that she was with him, probably telling him everything that was bothering her; everything that she wouldn't tell me.

Shortly after I heard her car pulling into the drive I tried my hardest to rein in my emotions. _At least she's home safe… at least she came home_! I hadn't realised until then that I was scared that she wouldn't. She might have a good reason that I may have overlooked for her actions today, and so I stood up from the couch that I'd been occupying for the afternoon and went to stand in the doorway of the living room, waiting for her to enter the house.

As she opened the front door I took a good look at her facial expression to try and read how she was feeling. She looked happy, ecstatic, alive even. I didn't put that expression there, he did. I could feel some of the hurt clawing its way back to the surface.

When she realised that I was there watching her, her smile vanished. She stood still; waiting. It seemed that she had nothing to say, and so I spoke. I was going to get some answers.

"So what happened to you today? You make me take the day off and then you're nowhere to be found. I didn't even know you left the house until I went searching for you and then when I called your cell I find you left that behind."

She bit her lip before standing up straight with her shoulders back seemingly strengthening her resolve.

"Well now you know how it feels when I can't get through to you."

_What?_

"So you did this on purpose to get back at me for last night,"

"Look, I left my phone by accident, but I was only at Jake's. I'm sure if you were looking hard enough you could have found me."

She looked at me through narrowed eyes, and looking into those eyes I felt as though I was looking at a complete stranger. _What is going on here? _I ran my hand through my hair trying to get my emotions in check, I really didn't want this to turn into a shouting match and I could feel myself getting to that point.

"Bella I can't keep playing these games! If you have something that you want to tell me just say it. I feel like I'm constantly in the dog house with you and I can't think for the life of me what it is that I'm supposed to have done. It's exhausting!"

She shook her head with a slight smirk gracing her lips- I didn't see anything amusing about this conversation- before speaking slowly to emphasize her point.

"Edward, maybe if you thought about others a little more instead of yourself you wouldn't be so exhausted."

As she said this she tried to walk past me and head upstairs. No way! There's no way that this conversation is ending here. _What the hell did she mean by that?_

"What are you talking about?! Everything I'm doing is for us. I came back to Seattle for you. I don't know what's brought on this change in you but I don't like it, Bella. You don't talk to me when things are bugging you then do stupid shit to get back at me. You talk to _Jacob_ more than you do me."

"You don't need to bring Jake into this-"

"See, I can't say anything about the wonderful 'Jake' without you jumping through hoops to defend him!"

I interrupted her, which I try not to do but why is she so quick to defend him? I could feel some of the jealousy that I try to ignore in myself making itself known.

"Well yeah, Jake would do anything for me. He's always been there when I needed him; the least I could do is defend his name. He hasn't done anything wrong."

'He hasn't done anything wrong' so does that mean I have? 'He would do anything for her' does that mean that she feels like I wouldn't? What did she want from me? I couldn't understand.

"So you're saying, I'm not there for you like he is. Tell me something, if my name was the one that needed to be defended. Would you do it for me?"

Silence. Again I watched her body language and again I could tell what the answer to my question was without her verbally saying it…

No she wouldn't do it for me, because she cared about him more than she did for me right now. I couldn't look at her anymore; I could feel the tears beginning to prick my eyes and so turned back into the living room. I needed to be alone. I had to think of a way to fix this.

Stretching out across the length of the couch I closed my eyes as the tears threatened to fall. Trying my best to forget about what just happened I allowed myself to think back on some of our happier times.

* * *

_FLASHBACK – 2 years earlier_

"Baby, I have I told you that I love you today?" I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and blew a raspberry where her neck and shoulder meet before laying a sweet kiss there. She giggled like she always did when I expressed my playful mood.

"Uh yeah, I think you did about ten minutes ago but I'm not gonna stop you from repeating yourself." She turned in my arms with a bright smile before kissing me sweetly, once, twice and then deepening it into my favourite lip caress.

"Edward, thank you so much" she stroked my face with the back of her fingers, tracing my cheekbones, nose and lips. I kissed them before replying.

"What are you thanking me for?"

"For making my dreams come true. I didn't ever think I'd be this happy again. I'm so proud to be your wife and I know that I told you all of this in my vows last week but I would do anything for you; _anything_. I love you so much… Also this surprise honeymoon that you planned isn't too shabby."

We both laughed.

I don't know what I would have done if Bella hadn't taken me back two years ago. Her and Alice were sharing an apartment and when I returned from completing my degree at Harvard I was shell shocked to find that all of the emotions that I'd forced myself to believe were 'Puppy love' were still very much there the moment my eyes were able to land on her.

She was so beautiful, inside and out and I couldn't see how on earth I had let her go. I made it my mission to get her back and never let her go again.

--

We journeyed to Jamaica for our honeymoon, Bella hadn't known where we were going until our plane took off and spent the whole three thousand, two hundred, and seventy six miles practically acting like Alice with the excitement running through her veins. She was too cute and seeing her this excited made me smile.

Most of our time was spent wrapped up in our hotel bed, but when we weren't making love we travelled to 'Dunns River Falls' swam with dolphins and visited 'Blue Mountain' where Bella stocked up on her coffee – She's such a coffee fiend.

Throughout that week we never stopped touching. Whether it was holding hands to delicate caressing, not a moment passed where our skin wasn't touching…

* * *

I was standing outside of my bedroom staring at the door, trying to build up the courage to go inside. I knew that it was silly to be nervous but I wanted to talk; really talk. I wanted my Bella back, I wanted to truly be there for her and was scared that I was losing her for good.

Having her tell me in so many words that she felt as though Jacob was there for her more than I was cut deep, I was going to do everything in my power to change that, I was going to try and make amends. I didn't like feeling like this I'd rather just try and get over this little hurdle we were facing instead of wallowing in it.

Remembering how we were when we were newlyweds upset me at first because I realised that we haven't been that happy in awhile, but it also strengthened my resolve to try and get back to that point. I just hoped that Bella wanted that as well.

If she did, she was going to have to open up to me once and for all; starting tonight.

* * *

**I would love to know what you're thinking so far. Reviews are like my favourite chocolate cake! :D**

**Musique x**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the wait and the little mix up earlier on, I really wanted to get this out to you last week but a whole load of stuff got in the way and then I went abroad! I literally JUST got back from the airport but I really wanted to put this out there... **

**Hope that you had a good week and those that went to Comic Con and Twi Con had a good time! I've been hearing great stories and I'm jealous lol! From what I've heard about the San Diego CC the London one I went to paled in comparison lol I'm definitely going to have to try and hop on a plane for next year!**

**Anyway, here's Chapter 4, I want to thank AvatarTwilightObsession** ** for being an amazing Beta and thank you to all of those who have reviewed and put the story on alert! _I heart you all!! _**

**please keep them coming :D  
**

**Of course SM owns, I'm just borrowing..**

* * *

**BPOV**

Yesterday wasn't great: I upset Edward - I mean really upset him- with what I said about Jacob. I couldn't stop thinking about his face when I wouldn't answer his question, but tried to anyway as I started writing about when we first met in high school.

After a little while Edward interrupted me and tried to finish off the conversation we were having downstairs. I could see it in his eyes that I'd hurt him with what I'd said - or didn't say for that matter – but, even still, he wanted to know what was bothering me...how he could make it better.

I couldn't tell him; I felt so terrible and so selfish. I knew that he was working so hard only to fulfil his dreams, and I can't get in the way of that, because it's not my place. So, I told him I was just a little stressed with the load I'd been given at work and apologised for leaving the way I did. I explained that it was because I was upset that he wanted to spend the day with Emmett and not here. Again I was selfish; he hardly got to do anything outside of work just for fun.

What surprised me about our conversation was that he told me that he hadn't planned on going with Emmett at all; he said that he was looking forward to spending the day with me and had actually called in before he realised that I wasn't there. I felt even worse, and so made up my mind that I definitely wasn't going to say anything else about what was bothering me. I caused enough problems for the day. I just needed to swallow it up and be a 'big girl'.

Today was the first day that I was going to try and put my new motto into effect. I kissed him goodbye this morning with a smile on my face and then headed into work myself knowing that I probably wouldn't be seeing him again tonight. I just had to get used to it - at least I had my writing to keep me company now.

As I drove home from work I thought about why I hadn't told Edward about what I planned to do with my writing. It was simply because I knew that I would be writing about all of the things I was too scared to bring up with him. I couldn't even tell Alice - it would put her in a situation where she would have to hide the things that she knew until I was ready to talk about them. Who knows, maybe when it was finished I'd have a change of heart, but right now the only person other than myself who could lay eyes on it would be Jacob.

He must have known I was thinking about him, because at that very moment he decided to call me.

"Hey Bells! How's it going?"

"Everything's fine Jake, I'm feeling much better, thanks"

"Good, I was worried about you yesterday. So did you and your husband sort everything out?"

"Yeah, I guess we did. It was just a misunderstanding, I ran out of the house before he had a chance to tell me that he was in fact staying home to be with me. I acted irrationally; it's becoming a bad habit, I guess."

I laughed to try and lighten the situation, to make it sound as if it weren't a big deal.

"I don't think it was irrational, Bella; he gave you every reason to believe that he was going to leave you alone again. It's not your fault," he replied softly.

"See, you have to say that, though," I replied immediately, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, determined to stick with my new motto. "That's what the best friend does: tries to make you feel better even though you were in the wrong."

Again I tried to make the conversation sound lighter than where he was trying to take it. I didn't want to be reminded of how I was feeling yesterday afternoon.

"Bella, don't do that, I know what you're doing. It was ok for you to be upset yesterday, how were you to know that he was going to act like a real husband for once?"

"Ok Jake, that's enough! Edward and I are fine now, it was just a misunderstanding and really I was to blame. Not only did I make him miss a day of work for no reason but I had him worried all day because I'd left my cell at home."

"Ok, ok whatever, I'm sorry," he was quite for a minute, then he asked, "Did you at least have a chance to start writing anything?"

I smiled. I could see this – let's call it project – being my one way ticket to being a happier person. All day at work I was making notes; not on the kid's summer school work but on what I wanted to write about when I got home. Thinking about the years gone past really put a spring in my step. I could see this becoming my favourite pastime.

"Jake, thank you so much for putting this idea in my head. It's helped me so much already. Last night I wrote about some of my memories at high school and it just reminded me how real the love that Edward and I had was. It was real back then and even though we don't have the same exact relationship now, I'm hoping that it's just as pure. Every love changes as time moves on, right?"

He paused for a moment before answering. I almost thought that the line had gone dead before he replied in a sombre voice.

"I can't answer that for you, Bells, I'm not with my high school or even college sweetheart. All I know is that you can't ever doubt true love, because it never dies."

As I started pulling into the drive way I noticed that there was a car already parked there in Edward's space. It wasn't just any car. Edward was home!

"Jake I'm really sorry I'm going to have to go!"

"Oh ok…um, alright, I'll speak with you a little later, yes?"

"Ok, later!"

I ended the call without waiting for an answer and jumped out of my car, irrationally excited. _Why was he home? Was something wrong?_ As I rushed to open the front door I called out to him. "Hello, Edward?"

He came out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a disgustingly messy apron which he was wearing over his clothes. _What on earth is he up to?_

"Aw. Bella, you're early!" he let out a frustrated sigh, "Everything's ruined now, plus I burnt dinner."

"I'm not early; I always come home at this time from summer school."

He raised his eyebrows in shock before his features fell with annoyance "Oh, I didn't know that…I should have known that…"

"Wait, you were cooking? What are you doing home anyway?" I asked, in total astonishment.

"Well yeah, I wanted to surprise you so I came home a little early so that I could make your favourite meal. I burnt it, so no Lasagne, I'm afraid."

"You made me lasagne?" Now I was the one in shock, Edward hadn't cooked for me since we first got back together whilst I was still in college. To be honest he wasn't very good at it; unlike myself, it wasn't something that he enjoyed doing. He nodded with a slight frown on his face.

"I made the sauce from scratch and everything."

I was touched, "Oh, Edward, that's so thoughtful."

He walked over to me and lifted my chin up with his index and middle finger before placing a soft, sweet kiss on my lips.

"Hi," he whispered an inch away from my now parted lips - I had to admit: I was quite dazzled. I wanted more and so leaned in to capture his again.

"Hi yourself. So…what brought this on?" I walked towards the kitchen to see what the damage was. My breath got stuck in my throat, It was awful; I'd never seen my kitchen look this messy. My head began to hurt just looking at it, but I tried to see past it and concentrate on the fact that he had tried to do something sweet.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you. Apologise for upsetting you and to start again, you know, wipe the slate clean. No more misunderstandings."

"Edward we both apologised last night, the slate's already clean." I couldn't believe that he had attempted to do this. This is the most romance I have had in too, too long. I had forgotten how thoughtful my husband could be when he wanted to.

"Well then since I already ruined dinner, let me take you out. It's about time we had a date right?" He smiled my favourite crooked grin and I replied with one of own.

"I'd love that, after you clean up my kitchen of course." I spun on my heel before running upstairs to get ready for my date with my husband.

* * *

The rest of the week flew by as if I were dreaming. Edward and I had a lovely dinner that night at his favourite seafood restaurant. It was filled with laughter and kisses and I was on cloud nine. We went home and he made love to me like I wished he would all those nights when I was alone. In one night my memory was almost erased. I could barely remember why I felt as though I wasn't sexy enough through his eyes anymore.

Of course he didn't change his work ethic: he still had late nights at the hospital and even though I was still lonely on those nights I told myself that it was ok.

I used those lonely hours to continue writing, and I tried not to complain because now I could see that he did still want me, he was trying to show me now that I still held his heart.

Every night he would come home and if I were sleeping he'd try not to wake me but I found I was incredibly glad that I was a light sleeper. If I wasn't I'd miss him pulling me close and hugging my body to his in a tight horizontal embrace. Of course I didn't let him know that he'd woken me, I just enjoyed feeling him hold me.

Tonight seemed as though it would be no different. I had just fallen asleep so was in a half dream sort of phase when I felt the bed dip on Edward's side which was where my back was facing. A lean, strong arm found its way around my hip to pull me closer and I smiled to myself looking forward to falling deeper into sleep, lying in his arms.

Only as he pulled me back against him tonight I wasn't met with the usual warmth of his chest meeting my back. I felt a long hardness poking me and couldn't help but moan and push my hips back further, as it registered that he was turned on for some reason.

A slight moan echoed from behind me. "Bella…You awake, baby?" he whispered while lightly squeezing my hip

"Mmmm hmmm," I replied languidly, as I turned around to face him with my eyes half closed from my slumber. His head was resting on his other arm and his eyes were staring intently at me.

"How was your day?" My voice croaked through its tiredness.

"My day's finally getting better," he smiled softly as he moved his hand away from my hip to gently stroke my cheek. "I missed you today"

My heart swelled at his revelation, I was still getting used to him expressing himself this way. That night last week when he told me that he wanted to make things better really was a turning point in his behaviour. He stopped assuming I knew and so didn't need to hear it and started to make sure to let me know as often as he could how he felt about me.

"I missed you too," I leant forward to give him a soft kiss which he wasted no time in returning. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth while pushing me to lie on my back as his thigh fell in between my own. I loved kissing him, feeling his warm tongue lick my bottom lip. As he continued I opened my mouth to let him in and as our kiss deepened our tongues became entwined and our breathing became heavier.

Edward's hand on my hip started to massage its surrounding area before slowly moving upwards, taking my t-shirt with it. After he had successfully rid me of my nightwear he let himself up a bit and allowed his eyes to roam my topless body while biting his bottom lip.

"Beautiful," he whispered. _He looked too sexy right now to not be touching me!_

I grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled his head back down to mine. As our lips crashed together in another heated embrace I let my hands find his muscular biceps and travel up to his shoulder blades. He kissed along my cheek leading to my hot spot which was located just under my ear – he'd always known that I loved that – and started sucking and licking and biting.

"I want to show you how much I've missed you, Bella" he breathed out over my ear, making me shiver in anticipation.

"Show me Edward…I need you to show me" I replied in the same breathy tone

His kisses on my neck started to descend towards my collar bone and then further down to my right breast. He stopped and placed one kiss on top of the soft tissue before slowly bringing my nipple into his mouth, sucking and licking before blowing cool air over it. He was driving me crazy and he'd only just begun. He repeated and gave my left breast the same attention leaving me squirming underneath him desperately moving my hips trying to find some friction.

"Edward please…" I moaned; he had to know what he was doing to me. He stopped lavishing my breasts with attention and I whimpered at the loss only to find that he began to leave a wet trail down the middle of my stomach with his tongue dipping into my navel as he passed. As he drew closer to the top of my panties he kissed my hip before slowly dragging them down.

Before I could even comprehend that I was now completely naked Edward's head was between my thighs and I could feel his hot breath running over my already dripping centre.

Edward was very talented when it came to this particular act and tonight he certainly didn't disappoint. He kissed the inside of my thighs before slowly dragging his flattened tongue from the bottom of my opening to my clitoris bringing it into his mouth and sucking softly. I could feel my reaction immediately, sparks started flying throughout my lower body and I indulged myself in the feeling as he wrapped his tongue around my bundle of nerves.

My breath hitched as he let it slowly slip out through his teeth and my hands found his head and started to tug his hair as he continued to torture me with this magnificent feeling. As my moans grew louder, I was also becoming more vocal with what I wanted, I begged him to come inside of me; I needed it.

"Please…oh God…please…let me have you" I moaned losing all of my control.

"I wanna make you feel good baby, let me make you feel good" He growled against my sex before assaulting me with pleasure once more.

I was moaning constantly as I pushed him closer to me and he began to lick with abundance letting out his grunts of approval.

In no time at all I felt that small electrical current quickly grow throughout my whole body. My hips were moving in the same rhythm as his tongue and as he plunged two of his long fingers into me I screamed as I my found my release bringing me to the most intense orgasm I'd felt in a long time.

As I tried to find my breath he gently removed his fingers, and kissed the inside of my left thigh before coming back up to start giving me exactly what I had been asking for.

Through out the next few hours our bedroom was filled with our panting, moaning and whispered voices of affection as Edward and I made sweet passionate love over and over until our bodies could take no more.

--

Edward had once again pulled me as close to his naked body as he could, with one arm draped over me and his face in my hair breathing in what he called his favourite scent…strawberries. I was truly spent and was on the verge of tumbling into a deep sleep when I heard him mumble in a sleepy voice behind me.

"Bella, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you…promise you'll stay…whatever happens..."

I was too shocked to say anything back for awhile. _What brought that on? _I couldn't dwell on it too much as my mind was no longer functioning properly. Without answering, I finally fell asleep.

* * *

I was woken up early by the shrill ringing of my phone next to my bed. I reached for it blindly groaning as it carried on blaring Clare de Lune at the loudest setting. I answered it, still keeping my eyes closed, trying not to wake up too much just in case I was able to go back to sleep. I hated waking up early when I could have otherwise had a lie-in. After answering, I realised that it was a lost cause.

"Hi Bella!" …Alice…I groaned again and sat up in defeat, realising that Edward had already left for work so it couldn't have been _that_ early. _Then again I did have a very late night last night!_ "Don't you groan at me, it's ten am and guess what we're doing today!" Alice's voice squeaked and my stomach dropped in dread as I realised what she was talking about.

I fell back onto the bed and covered my face with the pillow. "Shopping…" I groaned.

"I can't hear you too well, but I'm hoping that you've realised that it's Shopping time!" she continued after realising that I wasn't going to answer.

"Come on, Bella, I've been as patient as I can be. It's time! I'll be round to pick you up in thirty minutes. Be ready!"

"Ok ok, I'm up. I'll be ready" I mumbled whilst standing up to start getting dressed.

--

Three hours later and we were still shopping. I didn't even realise that there were so many stores dedicated to babies at the mall. I mean, how long does it take to pick out a few baby clothes?

"Alice, come on. Can't you just choose an outfit and be done?" I sighed, rubbing my heels which were red and sore from too many hours walking.

She looked at me like I had grown a second head before answering me curtly, "No we cannot just 'Choose and outfit and be done' Bella. I have to be the one that makes sure that my niece or nephew has a fashion sense because we both know that Rose and Emmett are only going to force cars and sports onto them. This is my duty, and I'm starting from the very beginning."

I held my hands up in mock surrender before going back to pretending to be analyzing the different baby outfits. Each time my eyes caught another one my heart sank; _I really want a baby. _I sighed to myself.

I picked one up and held it out reading: "My Mommy loves me", which was written across the middle in pink, and I let my mind wander…

_Edward and I at our very first ultrasound, seeing our child for the very first time. Edward and I lying down, him rubbing my stomach whilst talking to the baby...Edward and I decorating the nursery together, both with enormous smiles on our faces. Edward and I in hospital after I had given birth I sit and watch him hold our child and see the love radiate off of him. Edward and I happy and content with our new family and our new life. Me having someone to love and who loves me back unconditionally, someone who will always be there…_

"Hello? Bella, are you there?" I came back to my senses to find Alice trying to get my attention by waving her hand in my face.

"Sorry Alice, I kind of got lost in my thoughts there for a moment."

"Care to share?"

"Oh, no it wasn't anything interesting. I was just thinking about what to cook for dinner today…" I looked down and saw that I was still holding the one piece. I tried to put it back on the rail inconspicuously only to find that she was looking at me sceptically when our eyes met.

"Your life is truly intriguing, you know that?" She rolled her eyes, then carried on. "Well, what I was saying before I realised you weren't actually on this planet was that I've found the perfect outfits to give the little one. Both from you and Edward and Jasper and I. What do you think?"

She held them both out at arm's length to give me a better view. They were both Unisex as Emmett and Rose had chosen not to find out the sex of their baby. And they were both gorgeous, something that I would have picked out for my own child.

"I love them, Alice" I tried to hide the lump in my throat, but Alice was too sharp not to realise that something had upset me.

"Bella, are you going to tell me what's up with you or am I going to have to drag it out of you?" She stood in her no-nonsense pose; hand on hip with her eyebrow raised.

"It's nothing…really," I tried to let my face relax so that I could give her a reassuring smile. I don't think that I managed to pull it off convincingly because she narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

"Fine…don't tell me, but I promise I will find out soon. Then you and I are going to have a little heart to heart, young lady."

_Great._

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**AN: Right now because of the little mix up I'm going to try my HARDEST to get the next chapter out there by the end of the week seriously it's TOP priority.  
**

**Have a good week guys and please review, I'm loving all the alerts and reviews so far :) it really gives me the incentive to write more knowing that people are actually enjoying it!**

**Musique xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hi all! Well, I did it! Here's the next chapter, hope that you guys like it. I want to thank AvatarTwailightObsession for being a super speedy, super amazing Beta =D She's super cool!! Thankies to everyone who's reviewed so far, I did send you all a message but i want to thank you again because it really does mean alot to me, being a new writer and knowing that I'm doing something right. Make sure you see my author's note at the bottom of the page for an announcement!  
**

**Ok so let's find out what's going on with our Edward...On with the show! Unfortunately I don't own anything but this storyline :( **

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**EPOV**

"Mmmm...thank you, Jake…" Bella moaned softly, shifting a little beside me before whispering again, "Thanks..."

She was talking in her sleep again.

She had spoken and breathed out Jacob's name in her sleep far too often these past few nights for it not to mean anything. She was dreaming about him. _Why was she thanking him? Was that a moan of pleasure or simply because she was sleeping? What was she doing with him?_

A thousand questions forced themselves round and round my head; I was driving myself crazy. For what seemed like the millionth time, I wished that I could see inside of her mind just for a second; my curiosity was killing me. It didn't escape my attention that Bella didn't answer me last night after we made love, when I asked her to promise that she'd stay. I could hardly sleep all night; my mind was constantly torturing itself with thoughts I'd rather not think – questions I would rather not ask. I felt as though I was slowly losing her…to him. Literally every time she said his name in her sleep instead of mine, my heart sank a little bit further into my stomach, accompanied with a painful squeezing that I recognised from when I'd lost her before.

I had to show her how much she meant to me, I had to let her see that it would kill me if I were to ever lose her. Everything that I've done was for her; I was working these long hours for us. I wanted to be able to give her anything...to shower her with the priceless gifts that she deserves. I could only provide her with that life I'd always dreamed of if I worked hard now; it would pay off in the long run.

She snuggled further into my arms and I squeezed her as close as I could to my body, trying to take solace from the fact that she was here with me right now and, hopefully, that fact would never change.

I glanced at the alarm clock on my side of the bed. It was ten to five in the morning, ten minutes before I had to get up for work. I did prefer working early mornings, because it meant that I could leave earlier and subsequently spend my nights with Bella, even though she was mostly asleep by the time I made it home. But this morning I just wanted to hold her and never let her go. Something in my gut told me to cherish this moment while I still could but, with a deep sigh, I launched myself out of bed and started to get dressed for the day ahead.

It was a really long day, I could feel my eyes starting to burn and my limbs begin to ache from tiredness. I was practically a walking zombie, zoning out all over the place and wandering aimlessly round the hospital; I knew that the nurses saw it. Even Jessica, who without fail made sure to let me know how available she was on a daily basis, had given up and was giving me continual side glances before asking if I was sure that I was ok.

To be honest I knew that I must have looked a mess. Not only had I nearly misdiagnosed two patients through my befuddlement, but I had also made a stupid mistake with a little boy's stitches earlier on, which was a costly one. His mother was more than upset when she was told he would have to come back in a week to get it re-done, and it had taken a lot of persuasion for her not to come up with neglect charges for the hospital, which was the last thing I needed.

I was just about to head home when my father stopped me in my tracks, stepping in front of me as I made my way towards the double front doors.

"Hello, Edward, can you follow me to my office quickly? We need to talk."

Carlisle Cullen, my Father, was the first in the history of Cullens to attend university and pass with flying colours, and he made sure that all of his children followed in his footsteps – he wanted us to have options. He was a high achiever and raised us to want nothing but the best out of life; we just had to earn it.

Growing up, I always looked up to my father. I loved and admired everything about him. The fact that he was not only my father, and mentor but also my boss just made me strive to work even harder. I had to prove to myself and the others in the hospital that my place here was well deserved. I didn't want to just be the Chief of Medicine's son. I wanted to be the best of the best.

He was truly my role model, which was why I almost always took everything he told me to heart. This was also the reason why my heart started to beat a little faster whenever he said those last four words. This couldn't be good.

I stepped into his office after him and sat on the other side of his large mahogany table. He leant forward propping his elbows onto the edge of the desk while holding my gaze.

"Dad…" I started nervously, "What's the problem?"

He sighed and rubbed his face. This was beginning to worry me now...what was he finding so difficult to just spit out? I was hoping that this had nothing to do with my mistakes today. I'd already had an earful from the furious attending earlier on.

"There's no problem Edward; I'm just trying to find the right words." He paused again before staring at me square in the eyes. "I haven't called you in here to speak to you as your boss. I'm talking to you right now as your father."

My eye's narrowed, as this was not something that I was expecting. Carlisle always made a point to leave family business at home and not to bring it to work. This was definitely unlike him, which only served to make me even more apprehensive.

"Edward, your mother and I feel as though maybe you're working a little bit too hard. You're doing practically double the shifts of a regular resident and frankly: we don't like it. It's not good for you. You need to have adequate rest in order to function properly."

I sighed in relief; this was a small lecture I could deal with.

"Dad trust me, I'm fine. I'm getting enough rest-" He interrupted me before I could finish, his gaze narrowing.

"Edward, I was watching you today; you were very nearly sleepwalking your way through the hours. I'm not happy and if you won't cut down on your work hours I'll have to enforce it."

_Enforce it? _I was so close to being where I wanted to be, this could not be happening.

He nodded at my shocked expression, "I will do it, Edward. As your Father, I think you are working too hard, and you need to stop. Now."

"What?" I spluttered, finally finding my voice, "No, look, Dad, trust me: I can handle this. I'm just doing what you did to get ahead...I'll admit, I had a late night last night, but I promise I'll catch up on some sleep tonight and be back to normal for tomorrow."

He furrowed his eyebrows and I could tell that he was trying to decide whether to believe me or go with what his gut was telling him. I really hoped that he ignored his gut, but my wished were shattered as he shook his head.

"I'm sorry Edward; I think you should stay home tomorrow. We have more than enough doctors here. You…should probably stay home until further notice."

"…further notice?" I repeated. I was in shock.

"I'm sorry; I think that it's for the best right now. You'll thank me in the long run, son..."

"Yeah…sure…thank you, Sir." I stood abruptly and stalked out of his office slamming his door behind me.

--

The long drive home did nothing but give me even more time to think about what had just happened. The shock had drained away and now my body was filled with anger. I gripped my steering wheel trying to rein it back in. He knows how important my job is to me, how could he just send me home like that? Was he trying to sabotage me?

_What was I going to do with myself now? _I felt my chest tighten as that realisation dawned on me.

I pulled into my driveway and felt some of my anger and annoyance drain as I laid eyes on Bella's car. _At least I get to spend some time with her tonight…at least whilst she was awake._

It was only as I walked up to the front door that I realised that behind the bushes was a parked motorcycle…Jacob. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to push the remaining annoyance that was trying to return in full force away.

I pushed the front door open slowly so that I wouldn't bring myself to their attention. _What was he doing here?_

"Mmm, Bells this is so good!" His deep voice called out from the kitchen, "You need to move in with me, I don't care if I have to double my workouts. Your food is so worth it!"

I walked further into the house and saw Jacob sitting at my kitchen table face down in a massive plate of home cooked food, courtesy, of course, of my wife. Who had the biggest smile on her face that I hadn't seen in months.

Figures.

"I'm glad you like it! You're the first to try my new recipe; I was a little nervous about how it was going to turn out" She turned back to the stove and started serving out a plate - for herself, I assumed.

They still hadn't realised that I was there watching them. I started to feel that little pang in my chest that I felt whenever she would mention Jacob in her sleep, or whenever she would come back from his house with an aura of happiness surrounding her. I used to be the only person who would get to taste her new recipes; I knew that the pain in my chest was plain jealously now. Jacob was spending time with _MY_ Bella. The Bella that I hardly got to see anymore without the constant work to bring her out of her hard shell.

She sat down next to him and started to eat as well. I could see him glancing at her as though he wanted to say something but didn't know whether to bring it up or not. Finally deciding, he sucked in a big breath before finally just spitting it out whilst feigning nonchalance.

"So… I take it you haven't said anything to him yet?" He carried on eating as though he hadn't said anything.

She looked shocked, but she couldn't be as shocked as me. What was he talking about? And WHO was he talking about? Was Bella hiding something from me?

"Jake...I don't really want to talk about it right now. Things seem so good with me and Edward; I don't want to ruin everything…"

Wait…._what?_ What the hell was she hiding from me that would 'ruin everything'? Why would she tell Jacob, but keep it from me if it were so important? My day was quickly going from bad to worse, my head started spinning as more and more ideas of what she could be talking about made themselves known to me. This was bad, very bad.

"Ok, I'm sorry. I just hate that you're settling, you don't deserve second best Bells. I just want you to be happy…"

I couldn't take anymore of this. Hearing him talk to her about something that I obviously had no clue about hurt so deeply that I found that I was having trouble breathing. _Was Bella unhappy? Why hadn't she spoken to me about this?_ I decided to break up their little heart to heart and walked into the kitchen as though I hadn't just been eavesdropping before she had a chance to reply.

"Hey…" I tried – probably unsuccessfully - to smile warmly at her as I walked over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Jacob." I nodded in his direction and, as I turned to him, I saw that he had tried to relax his face from its abruptly tight expression; one which I was sure had taken hold as soon as I had entered the room. So he was jealous too, then.

That was some comfort, I supposed – but nothing compared to the fact that I was now near sure he was trying to steal my wife away from me.

Bella stared bewilderedly at me. "Erm...hi, Edward! When did you get home? I didn't hear you come in…"

"Oh, I just got in, had a bit of a rough day so I'm gonna head up to the shower," I replied stiffly. "Don't let me disturb your meal" I tucked her hair behind her ear and looked imploringly into her eyes hoping to convey that I wanted to have what they seemed to naturally have together. I wanted her to rely on me as she relied on Jacob.

Of course, she didn't see. She was too busy focusing on Jacob, biting her lip in a way I knew meant she was unsure and nervous.

A little part of me was hoping that she would stop me from leaving and ask me to sit with them. She didn't.

"Jacob…" I nodded at him again before heading back out and up the stairs to try and wash away all of the bad things that have happened to me today.

Stepping out of the shower, I contemplated joining Bella and Jacob downstairs whilst I got dressed. It was a slight conundrum of a situation: I didn't want to intrude on their time, but I really didn't feel comfortable leaving them together after all that I heard this afternoon. Something just wasn't right – especially since I thought I knew what Jacob was up to - and, until I knew what was going on I didn't think that I would ever be comfortable. I slipped on my jeans and a green polo shirt. Bella always liked when I wore green: she said it brought out the colour of my eyes.

As I opened the bedroom door to go back downstairs, I was stopped in my tracks. I was greeted by Bella; she was just about to enter the room.

"Hey, Edward," She said, nervous again; she looked guilty, for some reason. I really didn't like it...something was completely off about her.

"Hey, I was just coming back downstairs to join you." She bit her lip as she cast her eyes down to the floor, watching her feet intently. "Bella what's going on? Is there something that I need to know about?"

She looked up at me with wide eyes, and I knew then that she was hiding something.

Sometimes being able to read her so well was a blessing, other times I wondered whether it would be best if I truly didn't know. She shook her head and smiled unconvincingly.

"No, no everything's fine…uh…I just wanted to let you know that Jacob and I were going out. I didn't realise that you were going to be home so early and I promised him already. You don't mind, do you?"

Wasn't that the understatement of the year. I felt my shoulders slump as I realised that she really wasn't going to tell me what was up. My heart sank as I realised that maybe I should be really worried. I'd never trusted Jacob; I'd always known that he's had more than platonic feelings for Bella. Maybe, this time, something really was going on. I wouldn't put it past him.

I just never thought that it was something that I had to worry about. Bella was always mine, but now she was sharing things with him that she wouldn't with me. She was keeping me in the dark and acting as though nothing had changed when in reality…everything had. How long would we be able to last if things kept on going this way?

"No Bella…you guys go out and have a great time… I had a lot to do this evening anyway; I wouldn't be much fun..." I sounded completely fake, something she used to be able to always catch – I could never lie to her – but, this time, she swallowed my lies completely and happily.

She smiled for real this time and went on her tiptoes to kiss me softly "Thank you, Edward. I love you."

"As I do you," I replied, feeling my heart clench at her words. She turned and headed downstairs, letting Jacob know that they could leave, and then they were gone without another word. I heard her car engine turn on and listened until I could hear it no more.

I couldn't sit home all evening by myself; I'd had too much not go my way today. I knew that I would drown in my self-pity after my second beer and so, I decided to call up the only person I knew who could make me see sense and feel good about it at the same time.

"Edward…I can't help you today bro…" I chuckled down the phone as my best friend whined.

"You don't even know why I'm calling you yet!"

Now it was Jasper's turn to laugh "I like to think that after all these years of friendship I know you pretty well, and if you're calling me on a Wednesday evening after work it's either because you're looking for Alice or for some of my good advice…"

I rubbed my forehead as I remembered why I had called him; I wasn't the only person who was good at reading people. Jasper was my best friend and had been before he and Alice fell in love. I liked to think that I had a hand in creating their 'perfect' relationship - if there was such a thing, which I was starting to doubt. They were made for each other, and both knew it but for some reason unknown to me they hadn't taken the plunge into married life like Bella and I had.

I sighed before I answered him "Man, Jazz, you're right: I do need your advice but it's ok if you're not up for it tonight…"

"Fuck that, you sound like how I feel…we're going to a bar."

And it was set; I headed to Marley's our usual hang out. We'd been coming here for years now, and had quite a good relationship with the owner. I got there before Jasper and so ordered for the both of us, slowly sipping my beer broodingly until he came. When he did finally turn up I realised that he wasn't joking earlier: something was up with him.

"I knew I had you around for a reason!" he exclaimed as he sat down and took a large chug of his beer. "Thanks. I needed this."

"No problem - everything ok?" He gave me a side look before he took another sip from his beer, glancing away.

"Ah, it's a long story. To be honest I don't even think you want hear it, it's about Alice…"

I cringed as all the possible conversations that I _didn't_ want to have about my sister ran through my mind.

"Is it bad…?" I cringed again visibly as Jasper chuckled. He knew what was going through my mind.

"No, it's not what you're thinking, at least…" I noticeably relaxed as I waited for him to finish. He gave me another side glance before he continued. "Alice wants to get married: she wants me to propose to her." I waited still, wondering when the problem was coming.

He sighed, "Edward, don't look at me like that; you know that I can't marry her…"

"You mean that you don't want to marry her…" I amended, automatically tensing up, Jasper knows that I've always been protective of Alice; it's probably why he didn't want to talk about it in the first place.

He sighed and ran his hand through his wavy blonde hair "It's not that, I just…I don't know…it doesn't matter anyway." He finished off his beer and ordered another round for the both of us. I was still halfway through mine and so chugged down the rest.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" I furrowed my eyebrows and stared at him. I hated acting like a stereotypical big brother but I didn't want to be the one to have to tell my baby sister that Jasper was having second thoughts about them.

"No, I didn't mean it like that…everything's just so…complicated." He pursed his lips and his expression told me that he was in deep thought.

"Jazz, I understand why you don't really want talk to me about this but have you at least spoken to Alice about what's going on up there?" I pointed to his head

"Man – you know I can't talk to her, all she ever talks about is Emmett and Rosie's baby and how cute she thinks it's gonna be. How she thinks our baby will turn out – and you know she doesn't want a baby out of wedlock. She just keeps hinting at everything and I just don't know if I'm ready for all of that yet. I feel pressured, but I can't tell her, I don't want to hurt her, and don't want to lose her."

"Jazz you have to tell her how you feel…before she realises that something is up, and before you do hurt her and I'm forced to kick your ass."

He chuckled at that. The big brother routine doesn't really work when the sister's boyfriend knows you inside out and knows that you're not one for fighting.

"Edward, I'd be honoured to take an ass whooping from you dude. Seeing you fight is like seeing a annular eclipse" We both laughed at that one until I sobered enough to let him know that I was being serious.

"Just make sure that you talk to her Jazz. I don't wanna play piggy in the middle and I don't wanna have to choose sides. Trust me; it's not nice to know that your partner is hiding things from you."

His eyebrows lifted as we both sat in silence for awhile, just drinking and taking in the bar's atmosphere.

"So, is that what's up with you? You think Bella's hiding something from you?"

I set my jaw as all of my troubles came flooding back. "Yeah, something like that."

We sat at the bar for the next hour as we shared stories. Jasper had always been empathetic towards others and so was the best advice giver that I knew. It was nice to be able to return the favour to him for once. From what he was telling me I now knew that it wasn't that he didn't want to marry Alice and settle down, but that he was scared about what that would mean for them. He had witnessed his parent's relationship crumble and fall after they decided to get married after so many years of just being together. I think that he was scared of that happening to him and Alice.

She would see it as him not loving her enough when the fact was that he loved her too much. He didn't want to risk anything.

--

"So really, it's this Jacob that's the problem here…" Jasper and I were now a little buzzed, after so many beers, but this was when all the best ideas and solutions were made.

"Yup, can't stand the guy…but you know I have to be cordial, for Bella's sake"

"Well then you know what you have do. If he's taking up all of her free time…and right now you have some extra free time on your hands courtesy of Carlisle," I grimaced at what I saw was my Father's betrayal of my career. "Take her away…stop him from seeing her. Make her see only you." He grinned and downed the last of his beer, "It's foolproof."

My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to figure out what he was talking about "Take her away?" He nodded as I repeated his words letting them float around my head for a little bit. "Take her away…" I nodded as the idea started to make sense to me.

"Yep, you guys will be fucking newlyweds again, mark my words"

It was settled, first thing tomorrow morning I was going online to find a nice romantic get a way for me and my wife. I was going to get _US_ back.

* * *

**AN: I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm in the middle of writing a slash one-shot with E/J so if you're into that sort of fic put me on author alert so that you know when I've posted it! Also join me in Twitterworld!! you can follow me at- http :// twitter(dot)com/ Musique87 (just take out the spaces and replace(dot) with .) Looking forward to meeting you all!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:**

**Hey guys, this took a little longer than I would have liked to get out to you, I didn't wanna let it go for some reason. I'd like to thank my awesome beta AvatarTwilightObsession for helping me with my terrible grammer (",) and also Whitlock's Girl for helping me with the chapter content! you wouldn't be reading this without them lol. Make sure that you check out Whitlock's Girl's story "Desperation" when you get a chance it's a Jasper/Bella fic and it's amazing :)**

**Thank you SO much, to everyone who is still reading and reviewing! And all of you who are putting both me and this story on alert - I heart you BIG TIME (",)  
**

**Here's three not so cool facts about me: I've never been to LA- though I can't wait to go soon, I've never met Rob- though we lived a few miles away fr each other for about 21 years and my name's not Stephenie Meyer so I don't own- though I wish I did.**

* * *

**BPOV**

I pulled up into the driveway; I was a little worried, as it was really late now. Jacob and I had stayed out literally all evening, and I was feeling guilty that I'd practically left Edward in the lurch on the one evening that he'd made it home early. In short: I felt like a real hypocrite.

Jacob looked at me for a long time before taking off his seatbelt. He had left his bike outside my house so that we could ride down to the reservation together to see his dad. We both had a really great evening spending time with his father and the close friends that he had grown up with. I had gotten to know some of them in the short time that Jake and I were dating, but seeing Edward's car in the drive with the lights turned off in the house made me re-think my decision to stay so late. I bit my lip as I glanced at the curtained windows, away from him, wondering how angry Edward was going to be. Jacob caught my anxiety immediately, and sighed.

"Bella, we just had a great time. Don't spoil it now - everything's fine. You told me that Edward said he was busy tonight, right? So it wouldn't have changed anything even if you stayed home. You'd just have been bored."

I sighed thinking his words through, "You're right," I finally conceded, "I did have a good time. If Edward didn't want me to go, he would have said something and he didn't"

"Exactly!" He ruffled my hair and I pushed him into the passenger side door as we both laughed. I took a deep breath before opening up my door and stepping out, meeting Jake on his side – which was closest to my front door and his bike. He threw his arm over my shoulder and we walked together the few steps it took to reach his bike.

As we reached it Jake pulled me to face him and brought me into a tight hug, holding me there for what seemed like a very long time. "Thanks for coming with me tonight, Bells; it really meant a lot. I know that my dad loved seeing you again - he's always asking for you."

I patted his cheek as I replied "Hey, no problem. You know that I'll be there whenever you need me. Just don't call too often…and please no more cooking, after eating your food I'll be surprised if I make it through the night." I winked to let him know that I was joking, and he smiled his sunny grin back at me.

"Hey, I gotta experiment if I'm gonna catch up to you, right?" I rolled my eyes at him as I swatted his arm. "Ok, well I better get going now, but give me a call tomorrow if you're not doing anything, alright?" I nodded in agreement before heading to my front door where I watched him start up his engine and take off down the main road towards his home.

As I entered the house, I noticed that all of the rooms were in total darkness; I told myself that Edward must be upstairs in bed already, tired of waiting for me to get home. That's if he waited for me in the first place. I climbed the stairs slowly, not wanting to make too much noise. I didn't want to wake him; I knew how tired he must be. As I got closer to our bedroom I started to tip-toe before I slowly opened the door. I winced as it let out a loud creak but was shocked into a frozen stance when I realised that he wasn't actually in bed.

I turned the light on and walked through our room to the en-suite bathroom checking to see if he was in there. It was empty. _Where the hell was he?_ He must be home - his car was outside. I stalked through the rest of the rooms throughout the house checking to see if he had just fallen asleep on the sofa, or on the kitchen table in front of his work like he had done so many times before, but all my attempts to seek him out were useless. He wasn't here.

I called his cell phone and waited as it rang out leaving me with his voicemail, so I left a message, hoping that he would call me back straight away.

"Edward, I just got home and I can't find you anywhere. Can you call me to let me know that you're ok, please? Your car's here and there's no note or anything to let me know where you are…" I hung up and waited a few minutes before trying again with no luck.

After thirty minutes of waiting and still no reply I started to head upstairs seething in my anger. I remembered that it wasn't so long ago that he was upset at me for not letting him know where I was and here he is doing the exact same thing. I couldn't even call around to check if he was with Emmett or Jasper because of the ridiculous time of night. They'd think someone was injured or worse.

I was in our bedroom getting ready for bed when I heard the front door open. My anger at him – which hadn't dissipated- escalated now that I knew for sure that he was ok. I sat up in bed and waited for him to reach me. I heard his heavy footsteps as he got closer; I became confused when it sounded like he was walking into the walls.

He opened the door roughly and staggered into the room before laying eyes on me and freezing. "Bella, you're home?" My eyes narrowed as I took in his drunken state.

"Yes, I'm home" I replied tersely "Do you want to tell me where you were this evening?" He rolled his eyes and fell on to the bed where he attempted to take off his shoes.

"Why are you talking like that? You weren't here, you were out with _Jacob_; it shouldn't matter where I was." I stared at him in disbelief - was he really going to start with this?

"Edward, he is my best friend," I sighed, exasperated, "You've got to get over your jealousy. Plus you're the one who said you didn't mind me going out!" I raised my voice in agitation as he stood up and peered down at me.

"Jealousy?" he swayed on his feet "Are you…you mean I...do I have something to be jealous of?" He was so drunk. There wasn't even any point in having this conversation right now. He probably wouldn't remember it when we woke up anyway.

"Whatever, Edward; I'm tired. I'm going to bed, we can talk about this in the morning." I rolled onto my side and covered myself in the comforter preparing to try and block him out, but he pulled it back off of me.

"No Bella, I want to talk now! My way for once, we're doing it my way." He pointed at himself with a sloppy finger trying to show assertiveness, I was sure. I sat up with a sigh and looked at him square in the eye.

"What do you want to say to me, Edward?" He stopped and just stared at me for a minute before he mumbled something. "What? Speak up, I can't understand you." I was tired and annoyed and I really didn't have the patience for this.

"I said… do you want to be with him?" He was still swaying on the spot but as I looked into his eyes I could tell that he knew exactly what he was asking me. He looked absolutely defeated.

"What? No…" I shook my head insistently before raising up to kneel on the bed so that we were close to eye level. I held his face in my hands and waited until he looked at me. "Edward, I _love_ you, no one but you. Why would you ask me that?"

He pulled himself out of my grasp and took a shaky step back so that I couldn't reach him. "You're lying to me…"

"What? No I'm not, Edward…I love you"

"NO!" he shook his head "You're not happy with me. You don't tell me stuff, you tell him everything!"

I didn't know what to say to that; of course I was happy with Edward, I loved him but I was hiding things from him, and I did tell Jacob the majority of things that I didn't tell him. I just didn't know that he had realised this. All of a sudden I felt dirty; I felt so guilty for what we both knew I was doing, but I couldn't seem to just open up. I wasn't ready to.

"Edward…I'm sorry, I do tell Jacob things, but only to let off some steam, I just need someone to talk to. He's my friend."

"Why can't you talk to me, you…you can talk to me about anything. I'll always be there for you to talk to."

As I stared at Edward, I bent my head down trying to get some eye contact as he was looking at the floor. It was only then that I realised big fat tears were streaming down his face; could he make me feel any worse?

"Your gonna l...leaveee me…" he sniffed. I crawled off of the bed and tried to hug him as I reached his swaying body but he held me an arm's length away. "Just st…stop Bella…." He hiccupped as his grip tightened on my arm "If you're gonna do it…If you're gonna leave…just do it already." I didn't know what to say to make him understand, I loved him with all of my heart but I just couldn't communicate how I felt.

"Edward…I…" He quickly let go of my arms and ran to the bathroom leaving me standing in shock. As I followed him tentatively I realised why; He was bent over the toilet throwing up whatever it was that he spent his evening drinking. I sighed in relief, hopefully now we could have a proper conversation if he sobered up enough.

I went to sit on the edge of the bathtub so that I was close enough to rub his back but not so close that I'd be able to smell the vomit – that would be sure to set me off too.

"I'm sorry Bella," he mumbled, tears still on his cheeks. I continued to rub his back as I shushed him.

"Don't worry about it baby, you'll be ok" All the anger that I'd felt towards him before our drunken talk had quickly vanished leaving me with an unsettling feeling. I had no idea that Edward thought this way, I thought that he was too immersed in his work to even realise that I had been unhappy. Why hadn't he said anything earlier? Why had he gone and gotten himself blind drunk instead of talking to me?

After a while he sat back on his knees and just stared at me. I used that opportunity to go to the sink and wet a wash cloth. As I was patting down his face he continued to stare at me without a sound; he looked thoughtful.

"You're really pretty," he said suddenly, so monotonously I nearly missed the compliment

"Thanks?" I said more as a question than anything else.

"Sometimes…I think you're too pretty for me. In fact…you're too pretty for the word pretty. You're…astoundingly beautiful." His head lulled forward. I needed to get him cleaned up and into bed before he passed out.

The task of dealing with a drunken grown man by myself proved more difficult than I thought, but I did manage it somehow and he ended up in bed, totally unconscious; with our little ritual broken I was the one who held him close to me, holding him as near as our bodies would allow. I watched over him as he slept, he looked so peaceful. His facial expression was miles away from how he had looked a mere twenty minutes ago. I traced the outlines of his features as I thought back on all he had said.

He'd given me a lot to think about tonight. I knew that I would have to start opening up to him, but I was still scared to show him my wants and my fears. I used to tell him everything, when we were first married but now, here I was – with a husband who, apparently, didn't know me at all and it was my fault. But what if knowing all of those things turned out to be worse than guessing? What if he chose his career over me after all? Could I live with that?

I didn't think that I could but if by holding everything in was hurting Edward was it the right thing to do. Effectively I was choosing between my happiness – being with Edward – or his happiness – knowing everything, and then having a reason to walk away. Could I carry on being this selfish? Was I ready to be selfless?

Either way, it seemed that my time for making a decision on that front was wearing thin. Edward wasn't going to wait around for me to be comfortable enough to talk forever, I needed to talk to him about everything and soon.

~*~

**EPOV**

I woke up feeling as though my head was being crushed together with a vice. My mouth felt like it had been plastered through with sawdust and my eyes stung as I tried to unsuccessfully open them. It took another ten minutes for me to actually rise out of bed.

I looked at my alarm clock instinctively and saw that it was eleven thirty. _What the hell?_ I'd practically slept the day away; Bella must have already left for work without waking me.

Bella…

And just like that the whole of yesterday evening came crashing down on me. I slapped my forehead and then winced because of the pain that the move caused. I sank back into my pillows and groaned as I relived the whole embarrassing ordeal of my drunken conversation with her . _Oh my God_… I remembered everything that I'd said to Bella and cringed.

That was not how I wanted to broach the subject of my discomfort with Jacob. I wanted to sit and talk things through maturely. I wanted her to see things from my point of view without thinking that I'm a total douche. I could just imagine what she must be thinking. How could I bring up the trip that I wanted to take her on now? I know Bella; she'd see it as me wanting to take her away from him, not me wanting to have her to myself. Would she even want to go after my theatrical show?

I continued to lie in bed until I decided that my bladder could take no more neglect. It was time to face up to the music. I was going to get rid of this hangover first, and then I was going to head to Jacob's house, we needed to have a man to man talk. I was going to do what I should have done from the start, I was going to fix this thing and approach it head on.

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**AN: Right, hopefully the next update won't take too long to get finished. I'll be working hard to get it to you asap! **

**Also in the last chapter I told you guys that I was working on a J/E one-shot... Well I've been working on it and Edward wont stop speaking to me so I'm letting you know that It's ended up being another multi-chapter story lol. It's still in it's planning stage but it is coming along well. Hopefully that will be up soon! Remember to put me on alert if you haven't already or follow me on twitter so that you know when it's up :)**

**Musique**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Ok I'm so sorry for leaving you guys hanging for so long! Real life kinda sucked the energy out of me for awhile, but I'm back and hopefully it won't be too long until you get the next chapter! Thank you for sticking with me and for all the lovely reviews and alerts!**

**I want to thank MorganaL who stepped in last minute to be my super duper Beta! (",) and unfortunately I still don't own the characters...  
**

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**EPOV**

I was sitting outside of Jacob's house. He apparently shared it with two others so I was hoping that he'd be home alone. I'd been here for about fifteen minutes**,** trying to put off the inevitable. I didn't want to come across as though I was insecure with my relationship, but in essence there was no way to beat around the bush. I wanted him to back away from my wife.

I'd spoken to Jasper this morning**,** and after replaying the whole embarrassing story of what had happened after we parted ways he warned me that he thought I was making a mistake in going to see Jacob. I didn't agree; I can't see any other way to go about this without upsetting Bella and making things worse.

Finally deciding to get on with i**,**t I exited my car and stalked with a purpose up to his front door. It didn't take him long to open the door, but I could tell from his facial expression that I was probably the last person on earth he expected to be on the other side.

"Uh, Edward…hey?" He looked at me quizzically, basically asking what the hell am I doing here.

"Hi Jacob, I hope that this isn't a bad time. I was hoping that we could have a little conversation." He shook his head and stood aside**,** allowing me to enter. I'd never actually stepped foot in here before; always just having dropped Bella off when her truck died and she was car-less. Looking around, I could honestly say that the house suited him. It was a walking epitome of a bachelor**'**s pad. Fully**-**equipped with all the latest video gaming consoles and a massive flat screen television fixed with what I was assuming was a top notch speaker system. It nearly rivaled my own, although mine was used to listen to my favorite classical and jazz music, not the sound effects of 'Call of Duty'.

Even though he was only a year or so younger than myself, Jacob just seemed so juvenile. Why spend his hard earned money on these trivial things when he could be concentrating on buying a house for himself? He can't possibly want to live with friends for the rest of his life.

"So… how can I help?" He sat down on the sofa and gestured to the couch opposite him, giving me permission to sit.

"I wanna talk about Bella…" I sat as I got straight to the point**.** I didn't really want to be here any longer than necessary. His eyebrows lifted and he fell back into his seat while crossing his arms and ankles.

"Yeah? That's not really a shock, what do you wanna know?" I could feel the tension coming off his body in waves**,** even though I could tell that he was trying his hardest for it to come across as though he was relaxed. I leaned forward**,** propping my elbows onto my knees as I met his level stare.

"Jacob, I don't think I have to ask about how you feel for Bella because I have a fairly good idea on that. But I do want to remind you that Bella does have a family, and while I understand the friendship that you two share, it doesn't mean that I have to like it. I'd like for you to appreciate that she has me and understand that I don't appreciate the amount of time that you request to have her around."

His emotionless face turned into an expressive smirk. _Was something that I had said funny?_

"Request to have her around?" He chuckled "Listen Edward, I don't know what you think is going on here but uh…Bella's been my best friend since long before you decided to come back into the picture."

"What is it going to take, for you to do as I ask today**,** Jacob? Are you still saving up for your own place" I asked slyly**,** hoping that he would take the bait. But he just looked at me as though he was amused.

"I thought you understood that she and I have a special relationship**,** but**,** uh…frankly**,** I don't care what you think, or what you offer me; I've got something that's worth more. I'm not changing my friendship for you. Bella's happy with it and that's all that matters."

I clenched my fists as he smiled smugly and finished his little tirade, trying to control my sudden anger. I was trying to be respectful and he'd just basically said '_fuck you_' in so many words. I tried to control my annoyance and speak to him calmly again.

"Listen Jacob, I didn't come here to start anything with you, I just want you to back up a little bit. Give Bella some space…"

"She doesn't want space; she likes having me around. Especially on all those nights when _you _leave her _alone_."

Was he insinuating what I thought he was? I could feel my blood boiling to a point of no return**.** "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I sneered, as he leaned forward**,** now matching my pose.

"Edward**,** how do you think Bella feels being stuck in the house all night while you're at work? You think she enjoys being in a one way marriage? Face it, if it wasn't for me Bella would have no one" His eyes narrowed as he**,** too**,** sneered his last sentence. I wanted to punch him. He sat here judging my marriage when he knew nothing about me.

"You don't know anything…"

"I know that you don't deserve her." I stood abruptly**,** shocked at my own reaction, with Jacob quickly following my lead. We stood staring at each other menacingly breathing heavily; I was trying so hard not to let my fist act on impulse. It was aching to hit his jaw. "If I was you**,** Edward…I'd watch my step. I know _**everything**_…I'm Bella's rock, and soon she'll realize that she doesn't need you. You **step** one foot out of place and I'll make sure that she doesn't sweep it under the rug this time. She can't make excuses for you forever**.**"

I bit my tongue; I knew that if I succumbed to what I wanted to do to him I would only be digging a deeper hole. So I bit back and went with the only other way that I thought would hurt. I took a deep calming breath**,** hoping that I would come across as such and smirked as I spoke slowly and evenly.

"If she wanted you, don't you think you would have her by now? She's _never_ had any romantic feelings for you Jacob…and she _never_ will." I stood back and waited for him to react…It wasn't the reaction I was looking for. He burst out laughing.

"You really have no idea do you?" he was doubled over as I looked at him**,** feeling confused and furious because I was so baffled. "Wow! She really doesn't tell you anything! You call this a marriage?"

"What the hell are you talking about**,** Jacob?" He ignored me and carried on laughing. The boiling blood finally reached its limit and all I saw was red. I gripped his shirt and shoved him to the wall as I repeated my question with more force. He pushed me off of him less than a second later and sent me stumbling back a few steps, knocking over a chair.

"Back the fuck up! I'm talking about me and Bella, Bella and I…together." He was looking at me smugly**,** with crossed arms**,** begging me to react, but I couldn't. The blood drained from my body, I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't feel my limbs, all I could feel was my heart being torn into minuscule pieces.

"You're lying" I whispered**,** my eyes never leaving his**,** trying to find a tell. I needed him to be lying to me. My world would shatter otherwise. He just shook his head with the same smug smile spread across his face. I growled as I charged for him and punched him swiftly in the face**,** hard. "You're fucking lying!" He fell to the floor with the force**;** as I got on top of him I gripped the collar of his shirt and went to punch him again

Jacob tried to swing at me but from our positioning I had the upper hand**. **It was almost impossible for him to reach my face and so he landed a punch to my side before he tried to roll us over so that he was on top**.** I was so angry that I hardly felt it**.** "I'm not lying!" He shouted. "I've kissed her birthmark!"

I froze; he took that opportunity to gain leverage and pushed me away. He knew about her birthmark. Her only birthmark; which was situated on the top of her womanhood. No one would be able to see that unless she was naked and waxed bare. But he had seen it. He'd seen her naked. I clenched my jaw and stood abruptly. He rubbed his and did the same.

"She's not happy with you**,** Edward**.** _Y__**ou**_ make her unhappy! So she comes to _**me**_. Trust me; her loyalty won't make her stay forever! I suggest you go home, maybe spend some time with your wife…while you still can" He snarled. I couldn't get my breathing under control, I wanted to kill him. My hands were literally shaking with the rage that I felt. I wanted to wrap my fingers around his neck and hold them there until it was too late. I had to leave, I couldn't stay here, risk going to jail, and losing everything…but…I'd already lost everything. My job was slipping through my fingers and my wife…she cheated…she'd left me in the worse way.

I turned over his coffee table with a frustrated shout and was rewarded with the sound of the glass shattering as I turned to storm out of his house with him on my tail. "You're gonna pay for that Cullen!" I thought I heard Jacob shout after me as I reached my car. I couldn't concentrate on that, I couldn't concentrate on anything but the fact that my wife had betrayed me.

**BPOV**

The day had gone so slowly, today was actually one of the first days that I was looking forward to going home. I was hoping that Edward didn't end up going in to the hospital; I really wanted to talk to him and finish off our conversation from last night. In a way I hoped that he didn't remember it so that we could start it afresh.

I'd spent most of the day thinking about this and I came to the decision that if Edward was feeling unloved, I had to do my job and show him exactly what he meant to me. I had to let him know in no uncertain terms that he was my one and only.

I walked to my car feeling exhausted but willing my body to gain some energy as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had eleven missed calls, all from Jacob. _What the hell was the big emergency? _He didn't leave a voice message so I assumed he was just bored and wanted someone to bother, he did that a lot.

I sped home, thinking about what I was going to cook for dinner, my stomach had been playing up all day, I didn't feel like myself and so I hadn't eaten anything. I was blaming it on the food Jacob cooked for me last night. I made a mental note not to eat his cooking again until he'd mastered the art. It just wasn't worth it.

I smiled to myself as I pulled into the driveway ten minutes later; Edward was home. At least something was going my way today; it looked like we could have our talk after all. I'd decided that I was going to show him all that I'd written; it was the easiest way to let him know bout how I'd been feeling for the past couple of months. Hopefully then he'll see where I'm coming from and we can speak about it like we should have from the beginning. He'll realize how much I love him and know how silly it is to think that I'm going to leave him…for Jake of all people.

As I put my key in the door I took a deep breath and thought over the plan again**;** cook dinner – his favorite meal, pour a glass of wine for both of us and discuss last night on the sofa until we're both happy, have amazing make-up sex throughout the night and not resurface until he has to leave for work. But as I stepped through the door I was met with two suitcases at the bottom of the stairs. _What's that about?_

I walked to them and picked one up**.** Yep**,** they were packed. _Were we going away or something? _I called out to Edward**,** trying to figure out where he was, but got no answer**.** I started walking through all of the downstairs rooms**,** starting with the kitchen. As I passed the various rooms my eyes landed on several holes in the walls**. **It looked as if something had gouged out the plastering**;** they were quite small though, almost the size of someones fist. Again I asked myself _what the hell is going on_ as I walked past. He was sitting in the living room his elbows on his knees and eyes closed with one hand pinching the bridge of his nose. I could see the cuts and grazes on his knuckles and headed straight for him.

"Edward, baby**,** what's wrong?" I walked towards him but stopped in my tracks as he looked up at me with an expression that cut me right down to the bone. His eyes were watery and red rimmed as if he'd been crying.

"Don't…call me that**,**" he growled**.** I was in shock because he'd never looked at me with such hatred before, no matter how angry he'd been with me. I didn't know what was going on, why he was acting like this. I frowned and took two more steps towards him.

"Edward, what happened?" I was scared. He lifted his chin up and stared me straight in the eyes.

"I know**.**" His eyes narrowed

"Know what?" I asked exasperatedly, wishing he would just tell me what's upset him so much.

"About you and him!" he shouted as he stood up**,** and took a deep breath as he rubbed his hand over his face. Obviously trying to calm himself down

"What are you talking about?" I raised my voice, mostly in shock, what the hell was going on?

"He told me Bella, I know all about it…" He took another deep breath**.**"I'm only here still to let you know that I won't stand in your way. You want Jacob Black, you can have him…"

"Not this again…Edward-**-**"

"He…told…me! Don't lie to me Bella. Everything makes sense now, I get it…you can finally have your precious Jacob; just… don't talk to me." He stormed past me and grabbed one of the suitcases before heading for the front door.

My mouth dropped open and my stomach turned as I realized what he was saying to me. He was leaving me, Jacob told him about our relationship back in college and now he was leaving me. "Edward, please, don't do this" I followed him as he put the suitcase in his trunk.

"I'm not doing anything Bella; I'm giving you what you want." He looked me in the eyes again only for a split second, and this time it wasn't hatred that I saw but his heart breaking into little pieces.

"I want you, no one else!" my voice was rising with panic. "Please Edward, can we just talk about this**?** Please don't leave me!" I was crying, big fat tears falling down my cheeks. He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair**,** making his disheveled look even more prominent as he walked past me, back into the house to get his other suitcase. I followed him in and tried to block his way as he turned again for the door. "Edward**,** I don't know what he said to you, but I promise, he meant nothing to me compared to you"

He stopped and stared at me in disbelief**.** "I didn't think that it could hurt any more than it did…but hearing you admit it…" he shook his head and pushed past me**,** slamming the front door in my face. Soon after I heard him screech out of the driveway and listened as I heard his car carry him away from me. I immediately collapsed on the floor in heaps of tears, sobbing for what felt like hours, until I couldn't breathe.

My world had stopped spinning, my mind became clouded**,** I started to feel suffocated. I started panting**,** searching for some sort of relief, but it did no good, the air just wasn't working how it was supposed to. I gripped my chest as a tightening pain overwhelmed me. Is this what death felt like? I felt like I was going crazy with the amount of pain that I was feeling. I tried to reach for the phone in my pocket through the dizziness and called whoever the last person on my call list was…I could feel myself slipping into unconsciousness and I didn't have the strength to hold on to it. All I could say to myself was that _Edward's gone, he's gone…_

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_**

**_AN:_**

**_...Ok...Forgive me? I promise it will get better eventually...I'm a firm believer in HEA but this had to happen for them to get there._**

_**Let me know what's running through your mind (",) remember you can get me on twitter too! find me as Musique87**  
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	8. Chapter 8

**AN: There, that wasn't so bad right? I didn't keep you waiting _that _long... (^^,) Thanks for sticking with me guys! I tried to get this out as quickly as I could but I've gone back to university now so my time is gonna be cut right down, they've got us working our asses off already! I'm gonna try as hard as I can to update quickly but I really need to do well in my degree!**

**The wonderful MorganaL used her amazing beta skills to make my sentences make sense, so I want to send a massive thank you out to her! Also thank you to all of you who are continuing to send reviews my way! You give me an incentive to write! I can't give up if I know that you're reading so please continue letting me know that you're out there, I really appreciate it (^^,)**

**Right, now as you may already know...I don't own anything but Edward and Bella's Heartbreak...  
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BPOV

My head was pounding; something wet was being wiped over my face. I blinked a couple of times through the haze and slowly opened my eyes**,** looking around through misty vision. I couldn't comprehend what was going on.

"Bella? Oh**,** thank God…"

I turned my head in the direction of the troubled voice, feeling even more confused. Jacob was peering down at me; my head was in his lap whilst I was lying on the sofa.

"Jake…" I croaked "What happened?"

"You called me and it sounded like you were wheezing or something**,** then it sounded as if you dropped the phone and everything went quiet. I rushed over here and found you unconscious on the floor…you were out for about ten minutes after I got here…shit**,** I was so scared**,** Bella"

He ran his hand softly over my cheek and I tried to sit up. His hands never left my body, guiding me into a sitting position**,** making sure that I was ok. It all came pouring back to me…my life was over. My worst nightmares had come true**.** Edward had left me.

I let out a loud sob as I curled into myself and buried my head in my hands; I was overwhelmed by the grief that suddenly consumed me. Jake wrapped his arms around my shoulder tightly and pulled me towards him. I wanted him to let go, this was entirely his fault. I knew that it had been him, who told Edward about our relationship in college; it was something that I never wanted him to know about. I wanted Jacob to leave, but I didn't have the strength to push his arm off of me.

"Bella!" he sounded worried, hurt…how dare he act concerned, this is all because of him. He rubbed up and down my arm**,** trying to soothe me, but the only person I wanted right now didn't want to be around me**;** he had told me not to talk to him.

"He's…gone…" I sobbed brokenly, my body shaking with emotion**.**

"I know**,** honey, I know…He's stupid, he doesn't know what he has**.**" I dropped my hands and stared incredulously at him.

"What did you say to him? Why did you do this?" Jacob had just ruined everything**.** I needed to know what the damage was**.** I needed to think of a way to fix this. I needed Edward to talk to me.

"Bella, I didn't do anything but tell him the truth." A look of hurt must have flashed across my face, because he looked as panicked as his voice sounded. "Hear me out…he came to my house today, and started telling me to leave you alone. He doesn't like us being friends. I told him that it wasn't gonna happen, you're too important to me; I could never desert you like that. I don't care how much he was going to throw at me…"

"Wait…what?" I held out my hand to stop him**,** and turned to stare at him full**-**on.

"He was going to offer me money to stay away from you…I…I could never do that Bella, I love you too much…" He stared at me deeply**,** and then quizzically as I didn't react to his words.

I was staring into space for a long time, his hand now rubbing my back. Was Edward that paranoid about Jake and I? He really didn't trust me**,** did he? No wonder he just left without even talking to me about it**;** he didn't want to give me a chance, he believed the worst straight away because that is what he thought of me.

Abruptly**,** I buried my face in my hands again and began to weep. He was just looking for an excuse to leave me…and now he has it he's not going to come back.

"Bella…" He whispered "I'm sorry. I didn't know he'd just leave like that. I thought he'd fight for you, for your love…He didn't, it just proves that he's not worth it…"

"Jake, just go…" I sniffed through my tears; I really didn't need to hear that Edward's love for me wasn't as deep as mine was for him. I always knew deep down that he was silly for settling for me, and now it seems he's finally come to his senses.

"Bella, I'm not leaving you like this."

"Go!" I lifted my head up and looked at him sternly**.** "I don't want you here**.**" My head returned to my hands as his hands stalled the soothing circles he was rubbing on my back. He lifted his arm away**,** but didn't move for a few seconds. It was only when I continued to ignore him that he reluctantly stood and walked away, closing the front door behind him carefully. As I heard the click of the lock and the resulting silence of my house, I realized that I had never felt more alone and my cries became more paramount.

EPOV

I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I didn't want to bother my siblings with my troubles – they were in happy homes, with loving partners. I didn't need that thrown in my face and I certainly didn't want to bring them down with my gloom. The only other place that I knew I would be welcome was my parents home and I really didn't want to go there. I was still upset with my father for banning me from the hospital. If it wasn't for him I'd at least be able to throw myself into my work, try and forget about the torched remains of my heart.

I'd been driving for around forty**-**five minutes now and still had no idea where I was going to sleep tonight. There was no way I was going back to the house – I couldn't call it home**;** a home is supposed to be filled with love and the one I thought I shared with Bella had obviously run out of that. Jacob was probably waiting for this to happen so that he could move in; it now made sense why he had never bought his own place.

I could feel the anger and betrayal bubbling up inside of me as I envisioned him touching, kissing, holding Bella**.** MY Bella…Only she wasn't mine anymore. How long had she been his? I gripped the steering wheel and clenched my jaw**,** regretting not breaking his while I had the chance. I should have done more damage to him; I was well within my rights.

As the hot air steamed out of my ears**,** my phone started ringing. I looked at it disbelievingly; half of me hoping that it was Bella calling to beg me to come back and the other half hoping that it wasn't – that half of me never wanted to speak to her again after the way she'd hurt me. I picked it up and looked at the caller ID.

Jasper; he was probably calling to see how it went at Jacob's. In my masochistic state, I pulled over and answered his call.

"Hey**,** Jasper**.**" I mumbled**.**

"Ok, you can still talk, so I know that he didn't break your jaw…but uh…anything else broken?" He spoke jovially and I didn't reply. There was nothing that I could say without feeling as though the small remains of my soul would shrivel up and die. "Edward?" He chuckled**.** "I'm joking, but**,** really**,** how did it go?"

I clenched my jaw as I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what was about to leave my lips. I knew that the realization of what had happened would hit me as I spoke.

"…I left Bella…"

He was silent for a second before he repeated my statement. "You left Bella? Care to explain what that means?"

"What do you want me to explain**,** Jazz? She's been seeing him behind my back, she doesn't want me anymore…so I left**.**" I was speaking through my teeth, trying to keep my emotions under control. I couldn't break down…I wouldn't be able to put myself back together if I did.

"Shit…" he mumbled "…and you spoke to her about this?"

"She admitted it**.**" I nodded my head**,** closing my eyes as I they started to water and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I don't know what to do**.**" I whispered.

"Where are you now?"

"In my car…I don't know where to go…"

"Right, you're staying with us, come over, you can stay as long as you need to…"

I really wanted to pass him up on his offer, but I honestly had no other alternative**;** and so I agreed, turned my car around and headed in the direction of Alice and Jasper's place.

It took me twice as long as it should have to get there**,** and when I pulled up outside**,** Alice was waiting for me. She ran up to my door as I got out.

"Oh my God, Edward, I'm so sorry…" she gave me a tight hug around my waist.

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything…Thanks for letting me stay." I spoke in a monotone voice. I just didn't have the strength to act as though my world wasn't collapsing around me. She looked at me with sympathy and I realized that was the last thing that I wanted. "Look**,** Alice, I'm fine, really…I just need to sort myself out and then I'll be out of your hair."

She let go of me and took a step back.

"No**,** Edward, you stay here as long as you need to. We have the extra room; please don't feel as though you're in the way. I can't _believe_ Bella's done this. I _knew_ something was up with her but not in a million years did I ever _dream_ that she was capable of this…"

She was turning red. Alice angry – though it was rare - was a sight to see**,** and normally I would be trying to calm her down**,** but I didn't want to. Bella deserved Alice's wrath**.** I knew that I wouldn't be strong enough to tell her what I thought, but Alice would. She was very protective for a little sister.

"Come, let's get you inside**.**" She wrapped her arm around my waist and led me towards the front door.

--

A week had passed; I hadn't heard anything from Bella since I slammed the door in her face. She was probably enjoying being a single woman, having fun with _him_ now that they didn't have to hide. In fact, I hadn't really heard from anyone since settling in at Alice and Jasper's. Emmett had called to make sure that I was ok**,** and mom had come over and begged me to stay with her and dad**,** but I didn't what that. Neither Alice nor Jasper bothered me here**;** they knew that I needed time to come to grips with what had happened and understood that right now**,** I just wanted to be alone. I locked myself in my room everyday, only to really come out for food. There was nothing else out there for me.

I was lying in bed, trying to come up with some sort of plan for my future. I needed to get my career back on track**;** if that meant begging my father**,** then so be it. It was driving me insane**,** not having something to try and get my mind off of Bella…and what she might be doing right now with…_him. _

I grimaced as I thought of them together. I should have followed my gut instincts from the start; I should have fought for her, not given her a chance to fall out of love. I should have listened when she asked me not to work so hard. Look where it got me. No wife, no job, no future…I had nothing. I wiped my hands over my face and sat up on the edge of the bed. It was then that I heard whispers on the other side of my door. I turned to face it, straining my ears to see if I could understand what was being said. There was a knock a second later.

"Edward…" Alice asked cautiously**,** "Can we come in?"

I got up and opened the door to see both Alice and Jasper looking at me nervously. When Alice looked me over**,** her expression turned into one of pity.

"Oh**,** Edward, you look terrible…"

"Alice…" Jasper scolded her as he looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

"What's up**,** guys?" I wasn't really in the mood to stand here and chat if it wasn't important. I had a bed that was calling me and waiting to swallow me in self pity. I didn't need theirs on top of that.

They looked at each other**,** and this immediately got my back up**;** something was going on. Jasper nudged Alice inconspicuously but I still caught it before she started speaking.

"Um…well**,** I'm guessing you forgot, but**,** uh…It's Rose's baby shower today**,** and I really don't think that Bella will have the nerve to show up**,** but I wanted to warn you just in case**.**" She grimaced**.**

My heart missed two beats as she spoke. "The shower's being held here?" I tried to get my breathing under control. Alice nodded as Jasper spoke up.

"Edward, I really don't think that she's going to turn up**.** Alice went to see her and--"

"Whoa, you spoke to her?" I looked to Alice in shock, no one had told me about this. She shook her head uncomfortably after giving Jasper an exasperated look.

"I was just so angry, I had to tell her what I thought of her…I went down to your house**,** but I didn't speak to her…As I pulled up**,** I saw Jacob arriving and I knew that if I attempted to talk to her then, I wouldn't be accountable for my actions…" She paused before whispering**,** "I'm sorry**,** Edward**.**"

I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath, trying to steady my heartbeat. Even though I knew that it was happening, it still stung like a pain I'd never felt before to have it confirmed. "It's ok**,**" I breathed**.** "We all knew that it was inevitable**,** right?" They both nodded sympathetically and Jasper spoke up.

"So what do you wanna do? Wanna go out**,** just in case she decides to show her face?"

"No**,** I'll stay**.** I'm not running…she probably won**'**t come**,** anyway…" I turned to close the door before turning back to them. "…thanks guys…"

"No problem**.**" Jasper replied, as Alice pushed forward and gave me a tight hug.

"Don't worry Edward; if I know Bella, she's not brave enough to come today **--** if she knows what's best for her. Everything will work out in the end**.**" She gave me a reassuring smile and I nodded, trying to believe her. The only problem now was that I was praying that Bella _was_ brave enough to come today. Even though I knew that she didn't want to be mine, I would take the pain I'd feel just to see her again.

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**Musique**


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